ArmyRanger.com

Alcohol does not make you FAT - it makes you LEAN .... Against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.

What men would do if they had a vagina for a day

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8. See if they could finally do the splits.
7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs ...

What women would do if they had a penis for a day

10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.
9. Get a blow job.
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.
5. Find out ...

viewtopic.php?t=28294

A man married a girl from Louisiana. They were in the bedroom on their 'marriage night'. The man takes off his pants and throws them at his new wife and says, "Put these on."

She does and tells him, "They don't fit."

"That's right," says the husband. "I am the one that wears the pants in this ...

viewtopic.php?t=28602&highlight=top+ten ... guns+women

Nice to know someone else thinks this is a good one!

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because ...

289sotherhalf wrote:"What about one my size?" The husband asked.

"Didn't get a bid!"

Maybe she meant his was "priceless"???

GRANDMA AND GRANDPA WERE WATCHING A RELIGIOUS HEALING PROGRAM ON TV.

THE EVANGELIST CALLED TO ALL WHO WANTED TO BE HEALED, TO PUT ONE HAND ON THE TV AND THE OTHER ON THE BODY PART THEY WANTED HEALED.

GRANDMA HOBBLED TO THE TV AND PUT ONE HAND ON THE TV AND THE OTHER ON HER ARTHRITIC HIP.

GRANDPA ...

SOCIAL SECURITY SEX
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

LOUD SEX
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big ...

Slowpoke wrote: EXPLETIVE: A balm, also referred to as mechanic's lube, usually applied
verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases those pains and indignities
following our every deficiency in foresight.

Could liquor be the liquid balm to coat the throat after the expletive?

sorry, should have clarified that was for her.

everyone knows what a taint is...

Ranger KW Driver,

I should have caught that one but alas, I have dial up at work and was unable to view the video... I spent the 30 minutes waiting for the video to upload and that was some funny shit... ohhh ...

Furthering your education with Today's Ebonic word:

Today's word is…

"OMELETTE"

Let us use it in a sentence.

"I should pop yo ass fo what you jus did, but omelette dis one slide."

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is ...

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic. Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him ...