Italian Bread & the Goldmans

[Pop]

Two older guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said; "Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your
energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.

He said, "Do you have any Italian bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves."

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves...don't you think by the time you get to
the 5th loaf it'll be hard?"

He replied, "Holy crap...! Everybody in the world knows about this Italian
bread thing but ME....?!"

*********************

Harvey and Gladys Goldman are getting ready for bed. Gladys is standing in front of her full-length mirror, taking a long, hard look at herself.

"You know, Harvey," she comments. "I stare into this mirror and I see an ancient creature. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs sag so much that they dangle to my waist, my arms and legs are as flabby as popped
balloons, and...my butt looks like a sad, deflated version of the Hindenberg!"

She turns to face her husband and says, "Dear, please tell me just one positive thing about my body so I can feel better about myself."

Harvey studies Gladys critically for a moment and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, Well...there's certainly nothing wrong with your eyesight."

[Steadfast]

A guy goes in to the dentist with a toothache, the dentist says" this tooth has to be extracted" and prepares to give him a novicane shot. The guy says "aw, hell no doc, I hate needles, I will not allow you to give me that shot" The dentist then starts hooking up the laughing gas. The guy says "aw, hell no doc, I hate that gas it gives me a headache, I ain't taking no laughing gas". Finally the dentist comes in with a glass of water and a viagra pill and says "here, swallow this". The guy says "will this help the pain?" The dentist says "No, but it will give you something to hang on to when I pull that tooth".

Nice try Sapper
But if the root of his toof is connected to his balls, this guy don't stand a chance in hell of holding onto his tool!