Ahhh - The needs or husband and wife.

[SLEDGE HAMMER]

Stole this off a guy on a snowmobile forum I frequent and thought it was pretty funny.
"I've never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and
women
differ so much, and I've never figured out that whole Venus and
Mars
thing. I've never figured out why men think with their head and
women
think with their heart, and I've never figured out why the
sexual desire
gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the
words "I do".


One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.
Well, the
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel
like it,
I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT???!!! What was that?!'' So she says the words
that every
husband on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in
touch with my
emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your
physical needs
as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just
love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went
to sleep.


The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to
spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at
a big,
big department store. I walked around with her while she tried
on several
different very expensive outfits.
She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll
just buy
them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so
I said
lets get a pair for each outfit. We went to the jewelry
department where
she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I
was one
wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a
tennis
bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis I think I
threw
her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the
excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think
this is all
dear, lets go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey,
I don't
feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a
baffled
"WHAT??!!!"
I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff
for a
while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man
enough
for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me
I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things
I buy
you?"
Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after
pigs fly
over a frozen hell."

[RideGrrl]

ROFLMAO... that is awesome. That guy is brilliant!

[AngryPistols]

I like it!

[Kelly-Belly]

OMG that was too funny, oh wait, I hope Dis doesn't read this...oh shit, lol