Anger management

[lazydiva]

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take
> it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on
> someone you don't know.
>
> It all started one day when I was sitting at my desk and remembered a
> phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.
>
> A man answered, saying, "Hello"; I politely said, "This is Chris. May
> I
> please speak with Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down
> on me.
>
> I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's
>
> correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of
> her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the
> 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled,
> "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the
> word "asshole" next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
>
> Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
>
> I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me
> up.
>
> When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'
> calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this
> is
> John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if
> you're interested in the Caller ID program?" He yelled, "NO!" and
> slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's
> because you're an asshole!"
>
> One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
>
> Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
> patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been
> waiting
> for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his
> car
> window, so I wrote down his number.
>
> A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole, (I had
> his
> number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole,
> too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?
> "Yes, it is."
> "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
> "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the
> car's
> parked right out in front."
> "What's your name?" I asked.
> "My name is Don Hansen" he said.
> "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
> "I'm home every evening after five."
> "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
> "Yes?"
> "Don, you're an asshole."
> Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I
> had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
>
> But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it
>
> used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.
>
> "Hello."
> "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
> "Are you still there?" he asked.
> "Yeah," I said.
> "Stop calling me" he screamed.
> "Make me," I said.
> "Who are you?" he asked.
> "My name is Don Hansen."
> "Yeah? Where do you live?"
> "Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my
> black
> Beamer parked in front."
> He said,"I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start
> saying
> your prayers."
> I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."
>
> Then I called Asshole #2.
> "Hello?" he said.
> "Hello, asshole," I said.
> He yelled,"If I ever find out who you are!"
> "You'll what?" I said.
> "I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
> I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right
> now."
>
> Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived
> at
> 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my
> gay
> lover. Then I called Channel 3 News about the gang war going down on
> West
> 34th Street.
>
> I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street. There I saw
> two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad
> cars, a police helicopter, and a news crew.
>
> NOW, I feel better. Anger management really works.

[straightshooter]

[Looon]

[Ranger Hopps]

Holy ShiiiiiiiiiT!!!!!!!!