>> > After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet,
>> > which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with
>> > the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction.
>> > The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond
>> > in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action
>> > was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the
>> > next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and
>> > engineers lack a sense of humor.
>> > Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems
>> > as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by
>> > maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major
>> > airline that has never had an accident.
>> >
>> > (P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
>> > (S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)
>> >
>> > P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>> > S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>> >
>> > P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>> > S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>> >
>> > P: Something loose in cockpit.
>> > S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>> >
>> > P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>> > S: Live bugs on backorder.
>> >
>> > P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
>> > per minute descent.
>> > S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>> >
>> > P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>> > S: Evidence removed.
>> >
>> > P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>> > S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>> >
>> > P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>> > S: That's what they're there for.
>> >
>> > P: IFF inoperative.
>> > S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>> >
>> > P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>> > S: Suspect you're right.
>> >
>> > P: Number 3 engine missing.
>> > S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>> >
>> > P: Aircraft handles funny.
>> > S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>> >
>> > P: Target radar hums.
>> > S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>> >
>> > P: Mouse in cockpit.
>> > S: Cat installed.
>> >
>> > P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
>> > like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
>> > S: Took hammer away from midget.
