WHO SAYS THAT COPS DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR?
-"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll
stretch out after you wear them awhile."
-"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate
a worthless document."
-"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
-"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't
know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."
-"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I
can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
-"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
-"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that
again or I'll give you another ticket,"
-"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
-"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go
to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."
-"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."
-"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
-"Just how big were those two beers?"
-"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but
now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
-"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. Atleast you know someone who can post your bail."
-"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
Popular Police Responses
Moderator: Site Admin
Popular Police Responses
“You got the right to remain silent, so shut the fuck up, ok? You got the right to an attorney. If you can't afford an attorney, we will provide you with the dumbest fucking lawyer on earth. If you get Johnny Cochrane, I'll kill ya!â€
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Parabellum
- Ranger
- Posts: 3878
- Joined: February 25th, 2004, 5:32 pm
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AngryPistols
- US Army Veteran
- Posts: 862
- Joined: March 3rd, 2004, 11:03 am
My personal favorite is
-"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that
again or I'll give you another ticket,"
Angry
-"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that
again or I'll give you another ticket,"
Angry
Angry
USA 95B 84-87, TXARNG 91B 88-89, CIV 89-present
"Yet each man kills the thing he loves, some do it with a bitter look, some with a flattering word, the coward does it with a kiss, and the brave man with the sword. " -Oscar Wilde
USA 95B 84-87, TXARNG 91B 88-89, CIV 89-present
"Yet each man kills the thing he loves, some do it with a bitter look, some with a flattering word, the coward does it with a kiss, and the brave man with the sword. " -Oscar Wilde
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Moni D
My friend who is a cop in Avondale Heights, Victoria, Australia Had the following convo with a motorist:
"Good Evening Sir. I'm Constable Yates from the Avondale Heights police. Do you have your driver's licence on you?"
"Yeah, here you go."
"Thanks. Now, Daniel, can you give me any reason why the 50 km/h speed limit doesn't apply to you?"
"No, sorry about that. I was just coming down the hill."
"Oh cool. When did they put those signs up?"
"What signs?"
"The ones that say you don't have to abide by the speed limit coming down the hill."
"There aren't any."
"Oh, good. I thought they might have put them up when I wasn't looking."
His partner was having a hard time not laughing
"Good Evening Sir. I'm Constable Yates from the Avondale Heights police. Do you have your driver's licence on you?"
"Yeah, here you go."
"Thanks. Now, Daniel, can you give me any reason why the 50 km/h speed limit doesn't apply to you?"
"No, sorry about that. I was just coming down the hill."
"Oh cool. When did they put those signs up?"
"What signs?"
"The ones that say you don't have to abide by the speed limit coming down the hill."
"There aren't any."
"Oh, good. I thought they might have put them up when I wasn't looking."
His partner was having a hard time not laughing