The social graces

[Slowpoke]

SOCIAL TIPS FOR REDNECKS:
General
1. Never take a beer to an interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you're included in the will, it's rude
to
drive a U-haul to the funeral.
Dining Out
1. When de-canting the wine from the box, make sure you tilt the
paper cup
and pour slowly so as not to 'bruise' the fruit of the wine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your
hands.
Entertaining in your home
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his
manners are.
Personal Hygiene
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this job should be done
in
private using one's own truck keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of money.
3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they
tend to distract from a woman's jewelry, and alter the taste of
finger foods.
Dating (outside the family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first
date.
2. Be assertive, Let her know you're interested: "I've been
wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff on the
bathroom walls two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back.
Some will say 10:00 PM. Others might say "Monday." If the latter
is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school
on time.
Theater Etiquette
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up
immediately
after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to the characters on the screen. Tests have
proven
that they can't hear you.
Weddings
1. Livestock, usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds might get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky
appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable , say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this
special occasion.
Driving Etiquette
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is
loaded
and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four way stop, the vehicle with the largest
tires does not always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is
impolite to ask her to bring back a beer.
5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral possession.

[VAK]

Now this was good shit...

usaftacp

[Bugsy]

SOCIAL TIPS FOR REDNECKS/AND BROWNNECKS (like Ranger Beadlebug):
General

1. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.

YOU MEAN I'M SUPPOSED TO ASK WHO THEY ARE FIRST!?!

DAMN I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!?!

I GUESS I BETTER NOT TALK ABOUT THAT GUY WHO CAME OVER MY FENCE LAST NIGHT!

[Moni D]

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

But it works SO WELL :(

3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

Hmmm, now I know why everyone stopped to look at me funny when I opened that pop last Sunday....

[Narrow Gauge RR]

Looks like the whole state of Louisiana has some etiquette classes to attend