Anyone got an ATTORNEY joke I have NOT heard?

[garyedolan]

Having already downed a few power drinks, she turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said, 'Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean . . . it doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just love it.'

Eyes now wide with interest, he responded,
'No kidding. I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with?'

Come on---there have got to be some good jokes about LYERS, er, LAWYERS, that I haven't heard yet!

[DrD]

This is fantastic!!! Thank you for the laugh! :D

[Jim]

Did I ever explain why San Francisco has the greatest percentage of Homosexuals and Washington, DC has the greatest percentage of Lawyers?

San Francisco got first choice.

[RANGER513]

Having already downed a few power drinks, she turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said, 'Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean . . . it doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just love it.'

Eyes now wide with interest, he responded,
'No kidding. I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with?'

Oh I am SOOOOOOOO gonna take this to work. !!!

[Ranger Ron]

What do you call 25 attorneys at the bottom of the sea?.................

A good start!

[RangerX]

Why don't sharks eat lawyers?


Professional courtesy.

[RangerX]

What's wrong with Lawyer jokes?

Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes.

[RangerX]

What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?


Skeet.

[RangerX]

What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion?


You cry when you chop up an onion.

[RangerX]

What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?


Chelsea Clinton

[RangerX]

A man came across a striking brass rat in an antique store and decided it would look great on his desk. He paid $100 for it but was surprised when the proprietor insisted it was non-returnable. He said, “It’s been returned twice already, and I don’t want to see it again.”
Leaving the store, the man saw a couple of rats scurrying around the corner; several more were near his car. As he drove, rats appeared from the gutters and side streets until he was nearly overwhelmed. In panic, he threw the brass rat over a bridge railing into a river, and witnessed the army of live rats follow it into the depths.
The man hurried back to the store, but the owner cut him short, saying, “Look, I told you there would be no returns.” The man quickly replied, “Oh no, that’s fine. I was just wondering if you had a brass lawyer.”

[RangerX]

A blonde and lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, very tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over toward the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists (as lawyers are wont to do) and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00 and vice versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500.00."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to the torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in her purse, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."
She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and Library of Congress, still no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, all to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.
The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches in her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

[KW Driver]

why do lawyers wear ties?

so the foreskin won't pop out.

[Ranger Bill]

The rules of golf are detailed and intricate. For example, there are special rules that call for penalty or relief regarding hazzards, natural and man-made obstacles, and loose impediments. So it a golfer hits his tee shot around the dogleg of a long par-five, and his ball lands into a fairway bunker that could not be seen from the tee, and upon arriving at and discovering his ball in the bunker, and that the ball lies within 12 inches of the head of a lawyer who is buried in sand up to his neck in the bunker, how do you call that? "Not enough sand."

[garyedolan]

Hey, hey! KW Driver & Ranger Bill delivered an attorney joke I had not yet heard. Surely, there must be more...