For Parents

[Vee]

made me laugh




The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:

Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.


12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

[rgrpuck]

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

It does smoke a alot

[Jenny Lynn]

Oh this made me think ......I'm looking forward to being a parent someday..... so I can do things I've always wanted to do and say the kids did it

[litlbird]

Oh the good ol' mommy days....memories like excavating the backyard like it was an archaeological dig. Practice shooting the first gun, a Red Rider. Playing veterinarian and surgically removing broken bird legs and making prosthetics for it. Practice hunting moving targets in the backyard, killing the birds and squirrels, hoping mom doesn't find out. Teaching the family dog to retrieve dead squirrels and tree live ones. Going out and getting first job at a taxidermist and mom finding sacks of eyeballs and skulls in the freezer.

Yeah those are some mighty fine mommy memories.

[Jenny Lynn]

Oh the good ol' mommy days....memories like excavating the backyard like it was an archaeological dig. Practice shooting the first gun, a Red Rider. Playing veterinarian and surgically removing broken bird legs and making prosthetics for it. Practice hunting moving targets in the backyard, killing the birds and squirrels, hoping mom doesn't find out. Teaching the family dog to retrieve dead squirrels and tree live ones. Going out and getting first job at a taxidermist and mom finding sacks of eyeballs and skulls in the freezer.Yeah those are some mighty fine mommy memories.

oooo, Im going to need to prepare myself big time

[The Holmchicken]

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

It does smoke a alot

The first thing that came to my mind when I read this was "No shit?". Then I went digging in the garage until my wife asked me what I was doing. Yup, busted. Again.

[German233]

Memories?
Like playing Roman soldiers in the backyard with homemade shields and spears made from bamboo (hardened in the fire and sharpened on stone )

Results:
Said spear will penetrate the thigh of a 9 year old about 3 inches deep and the EMS in Freiburg, Germany have a 6 minute response time.

German out (buying brake fluid)

[litlbird]

Yeah, I can just hear it..."mom, mom, come quick, it's serious, there's blood".

[litlbird]

My brother and I had spray painted each other camouflage green in the garage many many years ago. Mom had to call grandma over to help get us get cleaned up...places like in the hair and in the ears weren't so easy. Dad got blamed for it.

I thought myself "no shit" on the chlorax and brake fluid. As a mom, I'll take blood and guts over explosives anytime.

[Rock Island Ranger]

A BB gun with minimal FPS velocity can be shot up a dogs nose with amazing results. Case in point: When son was about 4 he lured the neighbors loud dog to the fence by rattling the barrel of said BB gun in a knot hole. Dog came to investigate and stuck his nose to the barrell. Son pulled trigger. $1,100 later, BB was removed from the dogs head which traveled tp below it's eye. VERY impressive.

[KW Driver]

and mom's tend to freak out when you walk in the door covered in red paint even if you tell 'em it's not blood. just an exploding paint can...

about the same reaction as when you do walk in covered in blood, your own even...

[Ranger Ron]

kant c too typ this reply bekas thers tooo much smok in here.........

[Darksaga]

[quote="litlbird"] Going out and getting first job at a taxidermist and mom finding sacks of eyeballs and skulls in the freezer.

[quote]

Sounds like soup stock to me. She should have been gratefull. :D

[litlbird]

You know your a "Redneck" when the 10 point stored in the freezer is for mounting, along with "that damn rooster".