Re: Disrespect

[VLuplow]

As I read thru the posts, I thought about the differences in how I was raised; an Army brat, whose mom stayed at home and how my husband was raised; close family ties that were cut when his parents were divorced, his mom worked long hours to make ends meet. My dad had no problem with using a belt, my mom took away privileges, it worked for us. My husband was on his own as a teenager, by the time he was 17 he was a dad.

I am the stricter of the two of us with our 15 yr old son. We had a situation a couple of years ago with disrespect that really caused us to sit down and explain how this family works. Chase and his friends were messing around, someone took their actions to be a real fight and went to break things up. The kids refused to give their names, so this person follows them to the youth center (we live on post), explains the scenerio and ask the staff for the names. The youth center can't give out the names, so this person asks that the MPs be called. The boys are all put in one room and then they call parents. When I get the call from the youth center, that there has been an incident at the youth center, I figure Chase saw something happen. Garrett and I head to the youth center to pick up Chase. Well, turns out my child has decided that not only will he not give this good samaritan his name but he has told the MPs that he doesn't have to tell them his name and his parents won't care (boy was he wrong). Now Garrett was the retention NCO with the MPs prior to moving to the the Stryker Bde, he and I both knew this MP. I asked the name of the good samaritan, I was told he was a COL at 1st Grp. I was mortified. I was able to find out who he was and get an address. We really had a hard core discussion with Chase about respect, our expectations of him and the consequences of his actions. He not only had to apologize in person to the MP for his defiance he had to apologize to the COL and his wife, again in person for his disrespect. The COL explained to Chase that he and his wife thought he was in trouble and were trying to help him and that his wife was very upset by the whole thing. When Chase apologized to her, she started crying and told him that when she was a young woman she saw a young man get beat to death in a robbery gone wrong. Chase was a changed kid, he realized that some people do care and want to be there when others are in trouble.

We are all about yes mam and no sir. I am teaching him that he is expected to open the door for a lady (young or old), he is to walk his female friends to their doors, not just leave them at the curb. I have told his female friends to let me know if he isn't doing these things and that they shouldn't expect less from any boy. One of the girls asked me why, I shook my head in disbelief and told her because she was worthy of that kind of respect.

[Invictus]

As I move towards my mid-30's, I have come to realize that the greatest contribution I can make in this life is that of being a good father and husband.

Roger that Ranger Invictus.
Having eight kids, I do have a "bit" of experience in this area, and I can tell that that IS the heart of raising good kids. But they are also all different and it takes different approaches with them.

Also there are no guarantees. My oldest 2 are a great example. They were brought up the same. My oldest daughter was doing great until she meet a scumbag over the internet. Now he's half a world away trying to play Psych Ops games with her mom and I, she's pregnant and I'm just hoping for a chance to get him in crosshairs at a distance or a double tap close up...

Right now my oldest son is "deployed" on "honeymoon duty". he just married his first love on during his first weekend of block leave, and is a member here.

Dude, I still like chasing my wife around the table to, but for God's sake there are other options man!

VLuplow, good post. I think it just illustrates the lack of respect for self and others that is so common these days. It seems that as our culture promotes that these days, so the only counter to it is parents. The examples they set and the consistency with which they enforce the standards.

[RTO]

So can anything be done for the 18-25 year old that never learned respect at a young age? Was anyone here a real hell raising rebelious teenager?

If so, what brought you around? Did you age and simply grow out of it? Or did the Law change you? Or did RIP or a Ranger Bn. change you?

[Ranger Ron]

Excuse me for putting this right here, but I thought it kind of fit into this discussion.

"Wisdom is proved righteous by its works"...

A methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining
county and I was asked a rhetorical question, ''Why didn't we have a drug
problem when you and I were growing up?''

I replied, I had a drug problem when I was young:
I was drug to church on Sunday morning.
I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.
I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather.
I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.
I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a
bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everyt hing that was asked of me.
I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profanity.
I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds and cockleburs out of dad's fields.
I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, Or chop some firewood; and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.
Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger
than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today's children had this kind of drug problem, this land would be a better place. ~author unknown~

God bless the parents who drugged us.

[Bravo57]

So can anything be done for the 18-25 year old that never learned respect at a young age? Was anyone here a real hell raising rebelious teenager?

If so, what brought you around? Did you age and simply grow out of it? Or did the Law change you? Or did RIP or a Ranger Bn. change you?

Two Words Ranger Buddy:

Throat Punch.

[ChipOnShoulder]

The best parenting story that I can come up with comes from my father when he was 15years old:

My grandmother was mean as shit, it was in her genes I guess. Not a drunk but definately pretty much right/wrong with object lessons along the way. My grandfather was a paratrooper in WWII, a medic in the 507th PIR and jumped into Normandy who never yelled nor layed a hand on my father, since that was my Grandmother's job.

-One balmy spring California day, my grandfather asked my father to mow the lawn. With 15 year old's being 15 year olds, he gave Grandpa 'Roy' some whining and some bull shit.....

-Without saying a word, my grandfather took a butcher knife, threw it across the yard and stuck it in between Dad's feet! Fuckin' A right, that lawn looked like a japanese garden from that day foward. No further requests needed.

[bulldogg]

So can anything be done for the 18-25 year old that never learned respect at a young age? Was anyone here a real hell raising rebelious teenager?

If so, what brought you around? Did you age and simply grow out of it? Or did the Law change you? Or did RIP or a Ranger Bn. change you?

Before enlisting I was on the fast track to prison or an early grave, best thing my Dad ever did for me was to kick me out of the house which forced my enlistment.

E-8 MSG at my first duty station took me under wing and extracted my head from my ass with his boot. He was old school, SF Medic in Vietnam, SERE instructor, etc etc and he took a special interest in me.

The polish was applied by my Grandpa as he began to impart some sage advice when he saw I was finally mature enough (at 28 ) to begin to grasp what he was talking about to me.

[RTO]

With 15 year old's being 15 year olds, he gave Grandpa 'Roy' some whining and some bull shit.....

-Without saying a word, my grandfather took a butcher knife, threw it across the yard and stuck it in between Dad's feet! Fuckin' A right, that lawn looked like a japanese garden from that day foward. No further requests needed.

::GULP::

[brad2007]

So can anything be done for the 18-25 year old that never learned respect at a young age? Was anyone here a real hell raising rebelious teenager?

If so, what brought you around? Did you age and simply grow out of it? Or did the Law change you? Or did RIP or a Ranger Bn. change you?

Ranger RTO


I'd like to share a little bit about myself, and how it affects my personal feelings on respect.


When I was younger my dad left us for another woman. My mom had it pretty hard with raising twin boys. We were into anything we could get our hands on. I started acting up with my mom, and they threw me in a mental hospital. That was probably the worst time in my life.


When I got out a month later I went to live with my dad, and his new girlfriend. I was out a whole day, and had an argument with my soon to be step brother. My dads reply was be nice to him or I'll throw you back in the luney bin. In my eyes to this day He made a choice, and it wasn't me.
Thruought the years my dads new family has been to Minnisota about once every few years. I've never went, I've never been invited. I have seen a pattern that almost every older individual that had an oportunity to shape my character as a child has blown me off, or given up prematurely. Even now I have trouble respecting anyone, but I can pretend. I do have a family to feed.


To how my life was turned around. When I was 15 I got into a boxing program and got all that bad attitude beat out. My coaches wife led my brother and I to the Lord. My mom moved out of the old neighborhood, and some wounds healed. Some things I can laugh at, and some not. I try every now and then to help out an ex con. Give him a job, that if he stuck with it would give him a future, but it's like there is a switch inside that is not on that shows them how to function in life.


Now the hard part is not making the same mistakes with my kids. Respect to me is one of those issues were I know it is right to show and to teach, but I don't know why. But I do know that kids are like sponges, and they are not stupid. Also I do appriciate some of the parenting tips and hardships some of you Rangers have shared.

[RTO]

So can anything be done for the 18-25 year old that never learned respect at a young age? Was anyone here a real hell raising rebelious teenager?

If so, what brought you around? Did you age and simply grow out of it? Or did the Law change you? Or did RIP or a Ranger Bn. change you?

Ranger RTO


I'd like to share a little bit about myself, and how it affects my personal feelings on respect.


When I was younger my dad left us for another woman. My mom had it pretty hard with raising twin boys. We were into anything we could get our hands on. I started acting up with my mom, and they threw me in a mental hospital. That was probably the worst time in my life.


When I got out a month later I went to live with my dad, and his new girlfriend. I was out a whole day, and had an argument with my soon to be step brother. My dads reply was be nice to him or I'll throw you back in the luney bin. In my eyes to this day He made a choice, and it wasn't me.
Thruought the years my dads new family has been to Minnisota about once every few years. I've never went, I've never been invited. I have seen a pattern that almost every older individual that had an oportunity to shape my character as a child has blown me off, or given up prematurely. Even now I have trouble respecting anyone, but I can pretend. I do have a family to feed.


To how my life was turned around. When I was 15 I got into a boxing program and got all that bad attitude beat out. My coaches wife led my brother and I to the Lord. My mom moved out of the old neighborhood, and some wounds healed. Some things I can laugh at, and some not. I try every now and then to help out an ex con. Give him a job, that if he stuck with it would give him a future, but it's like there is a switch inside that is not on that shows them how to function in life.


Now the hard part is not making the same mistakes with my kids. Respect to me is one of those issues were I know it is right to show and to teach, but I don't know why. But I do know that kids are like sponges, and they are not stupid. Also I do appriciate some of the parenting tips and hardships some of you Rangers have shared.

WoW, hard story to read. Thanks for sharing. I appreciate your insight. I hope that working together and learning from each other here we can all be better people and raise better offspring and for some of us here hopefully break the patterns/cycles of neglect/abuse and not pass any negativity on down to our own children.

Good luck to you. I think you are on the right track.

[Bravo57]

Lots of good sharing here in this thread.


Right now, I am doing the fucking toughest thing in my life. I have a 3 1/2 year old boy, and a boy about to turn 2.


Everything at the house is about standards and schedules. My wife challenges my actions (daily) as I do hers. We do this to make sure that the "heat" of the moment does not affect the kids (too much). This is done, between us with "looks" or quick "check yourself" type statements.

It seems to be working. So far, the most effective thing is getting to their level, and talking with them. Sure, I still hand out a smack to the ass when needed, but it's not as often anymore. I can now whisper in either kids ear, and make the "Insane kid" chill out.

I've said it earlier on this board. Raising kids is like raising lunatic hell bent on killing himself. It's our job to keep that from happening.

We all have our scars from childhood. Some deeper than others. But IMHO, some of these scars were really good lessons. Respect, Honor, Family.

I want my kids to turn out better than me (as we all do), It's just about (not finding) but MAKING time to be the parent. I didn't quote who said it, but these little retards know EVERYTHING that is going on. They are a giant sponge. Everything we throw out, they are soaking in.

Like I said, the biggest achievement in my life will be raising two boys who don't wear their pants around their asses.

[Jason113]

The best parenting story that I can come up with comes from my father when he was 15years old:

My grandmother was mean as shit, it was in her genes I guess. Not a drunk but definately pretty much right/wrong with object lessons along the way. My grandfather was a paratrooper in WWII, a medic in the 507th PIR and jumped into Normandy who never yelled nor layed a hand on my father, since that was my Grandmother's job.

-One balmy spring California day, my grandfather asked my father to mow the lawn. With 15 year old's being 15 year olds, he gave Grandpa 'Roy' some whining and some bull shit.....

-Without saying a word, my grandfather took a butcher knife, threw it across the yard and stuck it in between Dad's feet! Fuckin' A right, that
lawn looked like a japanese garden from that day foward. No further requests needed.

Shit!...