Re: Disrespect

[Julieanne]

There are so many different ways to raise kids; look at the past four pages! But it seems that whatever things have worked, they worked because our parents, or WE are consistent with our children; our kids understand their limits and are given clear consequences when they mess up - it just works.

My parents were not consistent, they did not stick together, and they got divorced after I left the house - talk about a nightmare place to be raised, I wasn't a bad kid, but I was on restriction most of my teen years. My sister had a more difficult time than I did - so difficult that she came to live with us for a year. I wish we kept her longer.

I want my kids to have fun, I want them to know that we do indeed have expectations, and if they choose to not fulfill those expectations, they will have consequences (ie: the FUN will be taken away). Our teen daughter is learning this the hard way .

We didn't ever need to use time out, or hand smacks when they were young- we would just get down to their level and explain why something was dangerous or naughty - thankfully that worked for them. On the other hand, if they got themselves into a mess, I (mindfully) took responsibility for them not being supervised properly first, and then explained to them why they shouldn't do that again, (ie: hiding in the dept. store, disappearing near a river, turning up the stovetop when "we" were making popcorn...). Both of them have been slapped across the face, the good, old world, Italian way, but that has only been when they smarted off - we are lucky because so far, ours have not been "troublemakers".

I am very thankful that I have been able to stay home with my kids. I like being available to them and I am grateful that Wade has not pushed me to become a member of the rat race.

[MrsDocMac]

There are so many different ways to raise kids; look at the past four pages! But it seems that whatever things have worked, they worked because our parents, or WE are consistent with our children; our kids understand their limits and are given clear consequences when they mess up - it just works.

My parents were not consistent, they did not stick together, and they got divorced after I left the house - talk about a nightmare place to be raised, I wasn't a bad kid, but I was on restriction most of my teen years. My sister had a more difficult time than I did - so difficult that she came to live with us for a year. I wish we kept her longer.

I want my kids to have fun, I want them to know that we do indeed have expectations, and if they choose to not fulfill those expectations, they will have consequences (ie: the FUN will be taken away). Our teen daughter is learning this the hard way .

We didn't ever need to use time out, or hand smacks when they were young- we would just get down to their level and explain why something was dangerous or naughty - thankfully that worked for them. On the other hand, if they got themselves into a mess, I (mindfully) took responsibility for them not being supervised properly first, and then explained to them why they shouldn't do that again, (ie: hiding in the dept. store, disappearing near a river, turning up the stovetop when "we" were making popcorn...). Both of them have been slapped across the face, the good, old world, Italian way, but that has only been when they smarted off - we are lucky because so far, ours have not been "troublemakers".

I am very thankful that I have been able to stay home with my kids. I like being available to them and I am grateful that Wade has not pushed me to become a member of the rat race.

And I think that is awesome Julie, I am lucky to be able to do that, and I don't knock parents who can (obviously since I fall in that category now). I just don't think it's better or worse. The same values can be instilled in your children wether you are home all the time or not. Like you said it's consistency (sp?). My kids are 3 and 1, and they both know what "No" means and they both know what will happen if they don't listen. The worst is when a Mom says no, then just because she doesn't feel like getting up to get them to stop she lets them keep on. (i.e. "Joey, put down the remote, Joey doesn't put it down but it's not necassarily hurting anything so she just says oh well and let's him play with it....) Or when one parent says to stop something and the other says "No, it's okay." That just infuriates me, even if it is okay, my parents never corrected each other about stuff like that in front of us, a United Front is impenatrable. Ok, rant over......

[MrsDocMac]

We didn't ever need to use time out, or hand smacks when they were young- we would just get down to their level and explain why something was dangerous or naughty - thankfully that worked for them.

What did you do before they spoke English?

At one, my daughter understands no and all, but there are real disadvantages to overusing that word.

She understands a lot more than you think girl. Kids (even at one year old) know when they disappointed their parents, and if you use certain tones they can pick up on it. You might notice that sometimes she won't look you in the eye when she's in trouble, that's because she feels bad. Even if she doesn't speak English, she still understands it.

[MrsDocMac]

When Kierstyn used to holder at me, that's when I would put her somewhere (like her pack and play) and just ignore her. When she settled down I would go back to her. It was hard because the first week or so I did it it was like there was constantly crying in the house. It took her that long to realize what the hell was going on. Sometimes, I'll admit I would lose patience with her and just spank her but after a while it got to where she realized that when Mommy is talking she needed to be quiet. I've been blessed with my son though. I don't know if he's just doing like his sister or if he is just a good kid, but I rarely have to say anything to him, and he minds really good.

[Julieanne]

We didn't ever need to use time out, or hand smacks when they were young- we would just get down to their level and explain why something was dangerous or naughty - thankfully that worked for them.

What did you do before they spoke English?

At one, my daughter understands no and all, but there are real disadvantages to overusing that word.

I think they understand more than we give them credit for - they are sneaky little buggers!

Like I said, we'd get down to their level and stay wherever they are (unless it's the middle of the road, move to the side), and say with a very forboding, quiet voice " Little RGR, that is so dangerous, don't do that, you could hurt yourself, DANGER, DANGER", and then change your tone to be more light hearted and fun, move away from the dangerous activity, and say "Let's do this instead, this is safe and fun". It worked for my kids, and I've cared for loads of other kids, and once they get it, it works.

Once they correlate the "danger voice" with changing their activity, then redirecting them becomes even easier.

I have always used this type of behavior modification; if they are being mean to somebody, there I was down on my knee with the children, using a stern voice, and explaining why it is NOT ok to hurt somebody, or take toys away... etc.

And now, it works with them as well. I explain to them why it is NOT ok to disrespect me, and if they mouth off, that's when they get to do push ups, or alligator crawls, or whatever other kind of pt I can think of at the moment. Usually this takes place out on my gravelly driveway. So far, I can't complain with the results. And like I said, our kids are pretty good, so it's pretty rare that we have to do this sort of thing.

[MrsDocMac]

We didn't ever need to use time out, or hand smacks when they were young- we would just get down to their level and explain why something was dangerous or naughty - thankfully that worked for them.

What did you do before they spoke English?

At one, my daughter understands no and all, but there are real disadvantages to overusing that word.

I think they understand more than we give them credit for - they are sneaky little buggers!

Like I said, we'd get down to their level and stay wherever they are (unless it's the middle of the road, move to the side), and say with a very forboding, quiet voice " Little RGR, that is so dangerous, don't do that, you could hurt yourself, DANGER, DANGER", and then change your tone to be more light hearted and fun, move away from the dangerous activity, and say "Let's do this instead, this is safe and fun". It worked for my kids, and I've cared for loads of other kids, and once they get it, it works.

Once they correlate the "danger voice" with changing their activity, then redirecting them becomes even easier.

I have always used this type of behavior modification; if they are being mean to somebody, there I was down on my knee with the children, using a stern voice, and explaining why it is NOT ok to hurt somebody, or take toys away... etc.

And now, it works with them as well. I explain to them why it is NOT ok to disrespect me, and if they mouth off, that's when they get to do push ups, or alligator crawls, or whatever other kind of pt I can think of at the moment. Usually this takes place out on my gravelly driveway. So far, I can't complain with the results. And like I said, our kids are pretty good, so it's pretty rare that we have to do this sort of thing.

That's funny, my neighbors think I'm mean because I make my 3 year old ride the wall, do the dead cockroach, and pushups......

[Julieanne]

Well... I think my kids were about 5 when I had to start giving them pt. My son, however, needed to be told to put his hands on his head if he wasn't paying attention to me. If I want to really humiliate him now, all I have to say is put your hands on your head.

Once, when he was 6, he told me he could do push ups all day long... YEAH RIGHT. I fixed that problem real fast.

[MrsDocMac]

Another thing to do when your kid keeps looking away from you, have them put their hands on your cheeks, it draws their attention better and keeps it there, but it's more for when they are older and you really want to talk to them....

[Oto-Man]

Once, when he was 6, he told me he could do push ups all day long... YEAH RIGHT. I fixed that problem real fast.

Spoken like a true future Ranger, AND Ranger Wife/Mom...

Baby Boy:Can't smoke a Rock S'arnt!!!

Ranger MOM:Watch me smoke a rock!!!!!

[MrsDocMac]

Once, when he was 6, he told me he could do push ups all day long... YEAH RIGHT. I fixed that problem real fast.

Spoken like a true future Ranger, AND Ranger Wife/Mom...

Baby Boy:Can't smoke a Rock S'arnt!!!

Ranger MOM:Watch me smoke a rock!!!!!

[Capellanus]

It’s been a few days since I posted on this thread. Great comments by many of you.
We have two boys (3y/o and 1 y/o) so this is the context in which I write this post.
I was wondering what anyone’s thoughts were on the “Love and Logicâ€

[Capellanus]

We don’t spank often but when we do, there is a spoon set aside just for it. We never spank or hit our kids with our hands. I don’t want my kids to associate my hands with disciple nor to fear my hands when I go to pick them up.
As I said in my earlier post, I believe in corporal punishment but only when it serves a restorative purpose and that it is done without anger. So often, parents get angry and without thinking hit their kids. In my opinion, these parents are out of control. I believe when parents disciple their kids they should Respond not React to the situation. There is a difference, think about it. I don’t believe that we should raise our kids to fear us in the sense as being afraid. Fear is often equated to Respect so if it is meant in this way then yes, our children should fear/respect us. Respect us because we mean what we say and that when they break or disobey a well known rule, value or instruction then they know what is coming. There should be no surprises to the consequences of their actions. This approach requires consistency and if married, teamwork. Our oldest tries to play us against each other but we always support each others actions/instructions regardless of weather we disagree. Later, we will discuss the reasons why behind close doors. In other words, we save our arguments for a time when the children are not present.