Anybody else wonder what Chuck's favorite Chuck Norris jokes are?
As of April 3rd, 2006 this is a list of Chuck Norris' personal best/favorite Chuck Norris jokes.
~When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
~Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water and make it drink.
~Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
~When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up - he's pushing the Earth down.
~Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
~There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
~Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
~Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
~Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
~There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
~Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
~There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
~Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
~Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
~Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
~Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
~Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a Delta Force marathon on Satellite TV.
Chuck Norris
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awesome...-
MrsDocMac
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, color=white]Chuck Norris[/color]brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, color=white]Chuck Norris[/color]roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that color=white]Chuck Norris[/color]giveth, and the good color=white]Chuck Norris[/color], he taketh away.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "color=white]Chuck Norris[/color]--more than meets the eye, color=white]Chuck Norris[/color]--robot in disguise," and starred color=white]Chuck Norris[/color]as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, color=white]Chuck Norris[/color]brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, color=white]Chuck Norris[/color]roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that color=white]Chuck Norris[/color]giveth, and the good color=white]Chuck Norris[/color], he taketh away.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "color=white]Chuck Norris[/color]--more than meets the eye, color=white]Chuck Norris[/color]--robot in disguise," and starred color=white]Chuck Norris[/color]as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
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10thVet
Chuck Norris once ate a whole birthday cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it...
Chuck Norris does not use condoms because there is no protection from Chuck
A horse got in Chuck Norris's way, so he kicked it in the chin. The kick genetically altered the horse and we now call it a Giraffe
That Cake one cracks me the hell up :)
Chuck Norris does not use condoms because there is no protection from Chuck
A horse got in Chuck Norris's way, so he kicked it in the chin. The kick genetically altered the horse and we now call it a Giraffe
That Cake one cracks me the hell up :)
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The Holmchicken
- Ranger
- Posts: 3943
- Joined: July 29th, 2003, 3:17 pm
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The Holmchicken
- Ranger
- Posts: 3943
- Joined: July 29th, 2003, 3:17 pm