Qantas

Chiron · Post by **Chiron** » September 11th, 2006, 1:57 am

Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," Which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something wit h a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Ranger Ron · Post by **Ranger Ron** » September 11th, 2006, 8:20 am

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » September 11th, 2006, 1:38 pm

That was good

Rico · Post by **Rico** » September 11th, 2006, 5:20 pm

Ahh, needed that, thanks Brother.

RTO · Post by **RTO** » September 11th, 2006, 6:40 pm

That was almost as funny as you getting st..........oh nev'r mind. They were BOTH funny!

Paladin · Post by **Paladin** » September 14th, 2006, 7:48 pm

That was hilarious !!!!

AbnRgr289 · Post by **AbnRgr289** » September 14th, 2006, 7:54 pm

289sotherhalf · Post by **289sotherhalf** » September 15th, 2006, 6:49 pm

over29 · Post by **over29** » September 16th, 2006, 7:41 am

Bravo57 · Post by **Bravo57** » September 17th, 2006, 3:42 pm