Ranger on the hilltop

Dan Dumbass · Post by **Dan Dumbass** » November 11th, 2005, 3:25 pm

A battalion of marines was on a beach doing a PT workout when the CO of the battalion looked up and saw a lone army ranger standing at attention at the top of a hill.
The CO was curious so he sent a marine up to see what was going on.
As the marine approached the ranger sprinted into the woods, and the marine followed.
Yelling and screaming could be heard coming from the woods, seconds later the Ranger stepped out and stood back at attention.
The CO was still curious so he sent a squad up to investigate.
The ranger ran into the woods and after some yelling and screaming, came back out and stood at attention again.
Now the CO was angry so he sent an entire Platoon up to the top of the hill.
The ranger ran into the woods.
He emerged moments later after sime more yelling and screaming with no sign of the marines anywhere.
The CO had had enough, he sent the entire battalion of marines charging up the hill.
The ranger ran into the woods. More yelling and screaming and this time some gunfire.
Finally a terribly wounded marine crawled out of the woods and reported back to the CO.
The CO inquired "Do you mean to tell me that one army ranger destroyed an entire battalion of marines"
The marine replied "no sir, it was a trick, there were two of them"

#2
A Marine recruit was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Marine shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!" The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Army Rangers who were in here earlier saying the same thing." So the Marine headed into the bayou that same day, and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Rangers the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Marine saw a tremendously HUGE gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Rangers. Just as the gator was about to attack, the Ranger grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Rangers dragged it ashore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures. One of the Rangers then exclaimed... "Damn! ... this one doesn't have any shoes either!"

Headhunters
Three soldiers were on a special ops mission deep in the jungles of South America. The three man team consisted of one Marine, one Navy SEAL, and one Army Ranger. The team was on patrol and was captured by a band of headhunters. The headhunters took the team back to the village to stand trial for trespassing on sacred grounds.
The three men were tied up and placed in the middle of the village to be questioned by the chief headhunter. The first to be questioned was the Marine.
"You have been found guilty of trespassing and will be executed. We will use your skin for canoes, your bones for weapons, and your meat to feed our people. Do you have any last requests?" the chief asked.
"Yeah," the Marine replied. " I want my rucksack".
"Your rucksack?" the chief replied.
"Yes, my rucksack."
The chief gave the Marine the rucksack. The Marine opened it and pulled out a .45 pistol. He then shot himself in the head
"We can still use his body," the chief said. He then turned to the SEAL and asked if he had any last requests.
"Yeah. Give me my dog tag chain," the SEAL said.
When the chief handed him the chain, the SEAL opened a locket on the chain, took out a cyanide pill and swallowed it. Within 30 seconds he was dead.
"That's alright," the chief said. "We can still use his body."
He then turned to the Ranger and asked him if he had any last request.
"Give me my mess kit," replied the Ranger.
"Your mess kit?" the chief asked, thinking that this was an odd final request.
"Yeah, jackass. My mess kit," said the Ranger.
When the chief handed the Ranger the mess kit, the Ranger opened it and took out his fork.
"Look here chief," the Ranger said, " you might be able to use my bones to make weapons for your people. You might be able to use my meat to feed your people. But," the Ranger said as he began stabbing himself all over his own chest, " to Hell with your damn canoes!"

i edited them cuz i found more jokes that i liked so i squeezed it in on this post, sry if the second or any of the jokes offend you Rangers or any1 else, i just thought it was funny enjoy:)

Darksaga · Post by **Darksaga** » November 11th, 2005, 8:38 pm

I find it fucking hard to believe that you are that much of a fucking idiot. You didn't mean it to be insulting?!?! Fuck you! Besides not capitalizing Marine or Ranger numerous times you also posted a joke involving a Marine committing suicide and you think it's GODDAMN FUNNY!!! Fuck you your worthless piece of garbage. Stupid Goddamn sheep raping dumbass bastard prison bitch clown. Burn in hell you fucking asshole.

Dan Dumbass · Post by **Dan Dumbass** » November 11th, 2005, 8:46 pm

I didnt write these Veteran Darksaga, i copied and pasted them, and i still think they are funny, and if i offended any Rangers well then ok chew my ass out or lock out this post...they are jokes, its a joke section dont take it soo serious please. no disrespect meant since you are an veteran and i respect you and all the military personnel on this website and everywhere else.. if you dont like it dont read it

Darksaga · Post by **Darksaga** » November 11th, 2005, 9:03 pm

Shut the fuck up you disrespectful piece of shit.

Dan Dumbass · Post by **Dan Dumbass** » November 11th, 2005, 9:17 pm

Yes Sir nothing more from me

ANGRYCivilian · Post by **ANGRYCivilian** » November 16th, 2005, 9:41 am

Those jokes fucking sucked.

Darksaga,

They were just jokes. If the jokes were posted by A Ranger or some other Vet, would you have chewed them out?

The Holmchicken · Post by **The Holmchicken** » November 16th, 2005, 6:02 pm

Dan Dumbass wrote:Yes Sir nothing more from me

You need engage your brain. While we banter the other services, it's mutal respect between men who have served. I doubt you could make it thru Marine boot camp, so watch your jokes numbnuts. This is a big boy website.

Dan Dumbass · Post by **Dan Dumbass** » November 16th, 2005, 7:40 pm

Dan Dumbass · Post by **Dan Dumbass** » November 16th, 2005, 7:51 pm

ok i stopped posting on this topic a while ago and i have already apologized once. I was sincere and i meant everything i said. I will watch what i post in the future - i see how sensitive you all are on this subject
and i will not post anything related to it in the future ... its old news.please drop it they were just jokes and i didnt want to hurt anyones feelings :( i dont know what else i can say other than they were just jokes and besides who gives a shit what i say- im a "dumbass" why take it to heart. im done posting on this particular subject because it is a waste of time and i cant make myself any clearer on my apologies-

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » November 16th, 2005, 9:28 pm

SnafuRacer wrote:
Here's an advice that you don't have to listen to: Stop posting anything.
Right now, you're just looking more and more the dumbass. Take some time to learn.

Do yourself a favor kid and stop posting.

Bugsy · Post by **Bugsy** » November 16th, 2005, 9:36 pm

Dan Dumbass wrote:i see how sensitive you all are on this subject....
and i will not post anything.....in the future ... its old news.please drop it....TEETO STOP TEASIN ........ they were just jokes and i didnt want to hurt anyones feelings :( i dont know what else i can say other than they were just jokes and besides who gives a shit what i say- im a "dumbass" why take it to heart. im done posting on this particular subject because it is a waste of time and i cant make myself any clearer on my apologies-

Kid do us all a favor..........

We're far from bein the "sensitive types"

T0000009 · Post by **T0000009** » November 16th, 2005, 10:34 pm

Dan Dumbass: Look here,

Every where I look nowdays I see commie pinko fags likeYOUthat are so ignorant of history or life in the military. Somday you might learn to read which aparantly you HAVE not. When a Ranger tells you to STFU you need to listen. You have NO Clue who or what the Rangers are.

Get a dictonary and look up clueless meatstick!!

Ranger are not the sensitive type, We train hard and we play hard if you haven't figured that out then it's pretty obvoius you can't hang with us. Go back to you treehugging commie gay lovefest and cry to them about how you were treated. Se if we give a fuck.

WE DONT!

Disengage your mouth fagboy.

AbnRgr289 · Post by **AbnRgr289** » November 17th, 2005, 6:22 am

Dan Dumbass wrote:ok i stopped posting on this topic a while ago and i have already apologized once. I was sincere and i meant everything i said. I will watch what i post in the future - i see how sensitive you all are on this subject
and i will not post anything related to it in the future ... its old news.please drop it they were just jokes and i didn't want to hurt anyones feelings :( i dont know what else i can say other than they were just jokes and besides who gives a shit what i say- im a "dumbass" why take it to heart. im done posting on this particular subject because it is a waste of time and i cant make myself any clearer on my apologies-

If you keep making posts like this you will end up getting in deep shit with us, you've been told numerous times to Shut the Fuck up, do so!