U.S. AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, Zoomie, swear to sign away four years of my useless life to the
United States Air Force because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army
and because the Marines frighten me. I swear to sit behind a desk and
take credit for the work done by others more dedicated than me who take
their job seriously. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise,
but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise.
I swear to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States, even
though I believe myself to be above that. I promise to walk around
calling everyone by their first name because I know I'm not really in
the military and I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will
have a better quality of life than all those around me and will at all
times be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of my --
snicker -- "basic training," I will be a lean, mean, doughnut-eating,
lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chairborne Ranger. I
will believe that I am superior to all others, and will make an effort
to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back with it.
I will do no work unless someone is watching me (and it makes me look
good), will annoy those around me, and will go home early everyday. I
consent to never getting promoted -- EVER -- and understand that all
those whom I made fun of yesterday probably will outrank me tomorrow. So
help me God.
Signature: ___________________
Date: _________________
>`
U.S. ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, Rambo, swear to sign away four years of my mediocre life to the
United States Army because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to
get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the
Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every
day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to
use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even
when I have a date. I will continue telling myself that I am a fierce
killing machine because my drill sergeant told me I am, despite the fact
that the only action I ever will see is a court martial for sexual
harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year
of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on
my PT test. After completion of my sexual -- er -- I mean, BASIC
training, I will attend a different Army school once every other month
and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home
after boot camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my
ninth-grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home, because if I let
her out she might leave me for a smarter, better-looking Air Force guy.
Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back.
While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting
absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive at work every day at 1000
hours because of morning PT and leave every day at 1300 hours to report
back to the "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training
whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up
working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to
everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be
unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So help me God.
Signature:__________________
Date:_______________
>
U.S. NAVY OATH OF ALLEGIANCE
I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away four years of
my life to the United States Navy because I want to hang out with
Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the
Air Force was too "corporate," and because I thought, "Hey, I like to
swim...Why not?" I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in
1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I
own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor man during
the summer, and for the Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to
use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world,
using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, and head," when I really mean
"floor, wall, hat, and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that
all Navy acronyms, ranks and insignia, and everything else for that
matter, are completely different from the other services and make
absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700
hours every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which
case I will show up around 0930 hours. I vow to hone my coffee cup
handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed
around in a typhoon and still not spill a drop. I consent to being
promoted and subsequently busted at least twice each fiscal year. I
realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to
the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my new-found
"colleagues." So help me Neptune.
Signature:__________________
Date:_______________
>
U.S. MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, ________________ (state name here), swear...uhhhh...high-and-tight...
grunt... cammies... ugh... Air Force women.... HOORAH! So help me Corps.
Thumb Print:___________________
Date:______________
Atleast it dishes out fair share too all branches
