Serious request for assistance

[B 2/75]

Yer right, of course... we're masters of stating the obvious. But then again, that should be patently obvious, right?

[Darksaga]

Update:

Yesterday morning my dad reported a good night of sleep without the nightmares. We began to speak of his reunion. He related how a number of people in his unit, 36th Engineers of the 20th Engineer Brigade, have been diagnosed with PTSD and how many had also been self-medicating with alcohol. He said he wasn't that bad because he looked better than the other guys. He also related that a number of men from his unit have had to be treated for Agent Orange exposure. I asked if my dad was planning to get himself checked because he has had some skin cancer removed in the past. He said no. I asked him how he was doing overall and he said, "I do better when I am working". It was a good conversation and I left with a good feeling because we were able to communicate. It was a start.

When I got home from work it was a different story. He had not spoken to my wife all day and had ignored his grand-daughter completely. I found that he had drank a six pack of beer as well. Understand, until he had retired about a year ago he had not drank in over 30 years. He was bitter, defensive in bearing and verbal assualtive saying things to me like "You have never done things I approve of". There wasn't any yelling or threats off violence... he was being mean and trying to drive me away. If I were a teen I would have been devistated. As a father with a career I thought what a jerk. As a counselor I realized that this morning I had been very close to something important and now his defenses were up. I let him vent as he shit on everything from my career, to my mom's medical problems, to my investments, to the Colorado weather.

This morning he was bright and cheery again. I addressed his behavior from a new angle that I hadn't tried before. I mentioned that I would like to see him speak to someone about his stress as he has been caring for my mother as she goes through some health problems. He was immediately defensive saying "Oh now I need counseling too!". I reframed my proposal to, "Maybe they can teach you how to better assist mom in what she is going through and make life easier". He listened to that and began to ponder it. I doubt it will do any good but atleast I tried. Any counselor worth their salt should be able to pick up on the underlying conditions rather quickly. Unfortunately, I think that it will have to get to the point that Ranger Steadfast stated earlier, that he will have to hit rock bottom first before he seeks any treatment.

My brother already manages the bulk of their investments for them and I will speak with him to find out what safe guards are in place to protect their assests should evenst take a drastic turn for the worse.

Thanks again for the support. As always I will apreciate any comments or feedback that any of you may have.

Sincerly,

Cliff

[Kilted Heathen]

Just a quick word, whatever you do don't let him look over your shoulder while you're on the site.
He doesn't seem the type that would take this thread very well.

[Darksaga]

Ranger KH,

Thanks for the input. I am not worried. He is a technophob and hates computers.

- Cliff

[H75thRangers]

20th ENG were often OPCON to divisional forces when heavy assets were needed (eg: bunkers, tunnels, immediate short runways, etc), often called on to bring in the HEAVY shit. Remember them working III Corps around Tay Ninh clearing fields of fire around Nui Bah Ra mountain as well as Dac To and Phouc Vinh...all agressive areas that were controlled at night by the local VC and NVA advisors. YES, Agent Orange was often delivered while US troops were working the A.O. Tough group of men, shitty jobs driving thoes big CAT's and becoming an instant target.

As with Rangers, when your Dad's unit was called on, the shit was usually already flying, and there were but a few soldiers that answered the call.

He's got a right to be angered and bitter, ungrateful country that added to his disillusions about his efforts and sacrafice, I don't blame him...it's a fucking disgrace the way we (as a country) brought your Dad home.

It fucking angers me right now just reliving that sense of shame brought on when we returned stateside.... and I've been back 33 fucking years.

Support the man! Give him his space, he earned it.

I truly hope you're able to assist him...too many good men don't get it!

[Steadfast]

Update:

Yesterday morning my dad reported a good night of sleep without the nightmares. We began to speak of his reunion. He related how a number of people in his unit, 36th Engineers of the 20th Engineer Brigade, have been diagnosed with PTSD and how many had also been self-medicating with alcohol. He said he wasn't that bad because he looked better than the other guys. He also related that a number of men from his unit have had to be treated for Agent Orange exposure. I asked if my dad was planning to get himself checked because he has had some skin cancer removed in the past. He said no. I asked him how he was doing overall and he said, "I do better when I am working". It was a good conversation and I left with a good feeling because we were able to communicate. It was a start.

When I got home from work it was a different story. He had not spoken to my wife all day and had ignored his grand-daughter completely. I found that he had drank a six pack of beer as well. Understand, until he had retired about a year ago he had not drank in over 30 years. He was bitter, defensive in bearing and verbal assualtive saying things to me like "You have never done things I approve of". There wasn't any yelling or threats off violence... he was being mean and trying to drive me away. If I were a teen I would have been devistated. As a father with a career I thought what a jerk. As a counselor I realized that this morning I had been very close to something important and now his defenses were up. I let him vent as he shit on everything from my career, to my mom's medical problems, to my investments, to the Colorado weather.

This morning he was bright and cheery again. I addressed his behavior from a new angle that I hadn't tried before. I mentioned that I would like to see him speak to someone about his stress as he has been caring for my mother as she goes through some health problems. He was immediately defensive saying "Oh now I need counseling too!". I reframed my proposal to, "Maybe they can teach you how to better assist mom in what she is going through and make life easier". He listened to that and began to ponder it. I doubt it will do any good but atleast I tried. Any counselor worth their salt should be able to pick up on the underlying conditions rather quickly. Unfortunately, I think that it will have to get to the point that Ranger Steadfast stated earlier, that he will have to hit rock bottom first before he seeks any treatment.

My brother already manages the bulk of their investments for them and I will speak with him to find out what safe guards are in place to protect their assests should evenst take a drastic turn for the worse.

Thanks again for the support. As always I will apreciate any comments or feedback that any of you may have.

Sincerly,

Cliff

Darksaga,

Reading this paragraph says a lot. Your old man's retirement/idleness allows him to remember more. When he was busy working he had no time to think of old memories. Your speaking to him in the AM is a sign of his inner feelings and his mood change mean he thought about much of yesteryear after you left and it affected him drastically.

If I were you I would check with my local Veteran's Administration as to where their might be a small area Veteran Center. Then go get an appt for yourself with a psychologist and explain what you have told us and the experiences your father has/had. Ask the local psychologist what might be the best way for him to get/receive treatment and the fact that he is becoming distant with those immediately around him (his grand daughter for one). Do this with a trained and caring psychologist to help get your old man in for starts. Many Veteran's (personal friends of mine) refuse to come/go to the V.A. Part of it stems from not trusting the government then or even now. Just trying to avoid being nagging, many guys get that from a lousy wife. Nagging will only push him further away. You must once again pull him closer but do not try to trick him on going for treatment. Be honest - he'll know.

If you were here in New Yawk Citeee, I'd advise you to get him into the day hosp program at the brooklyn V.A. hosp. They treat vets with dignity there. They really help many veterans. Try to get your dad in a small vet center. A large facility might scare him off.