Our 213 Things

BadMuther · Post by **BadMuther** » April 28th, 2004, 11:53 am

h8train1/75 wrote:
Running from the MP's is illegal even if he is a PFC and you outrank him.

Just because you just had a month of training on night driving, with and without NODs, does not mean you can use this training to evade the MP's.

Jacking off on someone's pillow is considered faux paus. Besides, he might retaliate and jizz on your toothbrush and not tell you until a few days later.

Rock Island Ranger · April 28th, 2004, 12:04 pm

Since I was accused and or seen doing every one of these, I thought I would share.

I am not allowed to fish in the post pond with Arty Simulators.
I am not allowed to hunt deer with NODS
Im not allowed to hunt ANYTHING in the post housing area.
I am not allowed to shoot deer, cows, buzzards, or dogs who happen across the Bradley table. (Deer on a toothpick is a real meal)
Im not allowed to shoot legs with a blowgun
Im not allowed to hunt turkey with an AK-47
Im not allowed to tie up 2LT's in their sleeping bags.
Im not allowed to put simulators in same sleeping bags.
Im not allowed to conduct "naked formations".
Im not allowed to send newbies (men) to the clinic for pregnancy test
Im not allowed to prescribe vagisil for every ailment soldiers get.
Im not allowed to breach a barbed wire obstacle in my Hummer at 60mph.
Im not allowed to drive off embankments 50 foot high into a river.
Im not allowed to tell the visiting IG, "nice dick" in the latrine when I see him.
Im not allowed to ask him if he wants to see mine.
Im not allowed to rig the PL's rucksack with a CS grenade.
Im not allowed to deny him medical attention when he gets burned by said grenade.
Im not allowed to steal all of his clothes when he sleeps naked in his sleeping bag.
Im not allowed to take pictures of 2ndLT's running around naked at NTC and posting them on the PX bullitin board.
Im not allowed to send the same pictures to his wife.

BadMuther · Post by **BadMuther** » April 28th, 2004, 12:05 pm

Abell9 wrote: Im not allowed to tell the visiting IG, "nice dick" in the latrine when I see him.
Im not allowed to ask him if he wants to see mine.

Pastor, what Batt did you serve with again?

Parabellum · Post by **Parabellum** » April 28th, 2004, 12:06 pm

Im not allowed to tell the visiting IG, "nice dick" in the latrine when I see him.
Im not allowed to ask him if he wants to see mine.[/quote]

That is a good one.

Spartan · Post by **Spartan** » April 28th, 2004, 12:08 pm

I am not allowed to yell 'Quit Looking' at my brother when using the urinals at a San Fransisco 49er's Home Game.

BadMuther · Post by **BadMuther** » April 28th, 2004, 12:09 pm

When the LT tells me to wash his humvee and I tell him it's clean, and he tells me to wash it anyway..............

I am not allowed to drive it off, or into dirt embankments.

I am not allowed to practice Baja 1000 race techniques in it.

I am not allowed to squirt the hose at the wash racks into the light fixtures until they explode.

Parabellum · Post by **Parabellum** » April 28th, 2004, 12:21 pm

I am not authorized to play with new guys until they break.

Tieing cherries to the bumper of a truck with a 120 rope and driving perimeter road is not considered remedial P.T..

Parasailing is not authorized with a T-10C parachute, a 120 rope, and a ford F150.

BadMuther · Post by **BadMuther** » April 28th, 2004, 12:24 pm

h8train1/75 wrote:I

Parasailing cannot be done with a T-10C parachute, a 120 rope, and a ford F150.

Uh, yeah it can!!!

Did you hear about the 2nd Batt guys, or did you down under Rangers try it to?????

While parasailing with a stolen parachute, a "flag man" similiar to when boating, MUST be employed. Failure to do so can cause death or dismemberment when the "parasailee" crashes.

BadMuther · Post by **BadMuther** » April 28th, 2004, 12:26 pm

Squad shooting trips are not the time to discuss how easy it would be to rob a bank.

No fucking of another Ranger's woman, even if you are all drunk, he's gone, you don't like him, and she's really hitting on you. (Turd Batt substitute "bunk mate" or "life partner".)

No shooting guns from the 3rd story barracks window, even *if* you are employing home made silencers......

Parabellum · Post by **Parabellum** » April 28th, 2004, 12:29 pm

That is 216 we did it.

BadMuther · Post by **BadMuther** » April 28th, 2004, 12:33 pm

h8train1/75 wrote:That is 216 we did it.

Huh?

Looon · Post by **Looon** » April 28th, 2004, 12:37 pm

BadMuther wrote:
h8train1/75 wrote:That is 216 we did it.
Huh?

Look at the title of the thread.

BadMuther · Post by **BadMuther** » April 28th, 2004, 12:39 pm

Copy...some second Batt guys really did that and one of them died.

Steadfast · Post by **Steadfast** » April 28th, 2004, 1:41 pm

I am not allowed to exceed the posted speed limit on base while rolling in the road in a wheel chair.

I am not allowed to Salute the visiting General with a cigarette dangling from my lips.

I am not allowed to use the ladies bathroom in the ladies barracks even though I gotta go real bad.

I am not allowed to have one of the local prostitues share my bed in the barracks.

I am not allowed to keep 6 quarts of unopened beer bottles in the spare locker in my squad area during inspections.

I am not allowed to sleep in the female soldiers bed while on pass.

Horned Toad · Post by **Horned Toad** » April 28th, 2004, 2:27 pm

Rangers are not allowed to jump off the Savannah River Bridge with a T10 reserve in an air force pack tray