"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that love using words in rather unique ways, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless." A competition to see who can come up with the best one is held every year. This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.
- When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
- A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
- When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
- The batteries were given out free of charge.
- A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
- A will is a dead giveaway.
- With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
- A boiled egg is hard to beat.
- When you've seen one shopping Center you've seen a mall.
- Police were called to a day care Center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
- Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
- A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
- When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
- The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
- When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.
- Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
- Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.
Lexophile
Moderator: Site Admin
Re: Lexophile
Lots more out there running around loose:
I wondered why the baseball was getting larger, then it hit me.
A short fortune teller escaped from prison and became a small medium at large.
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless?
I went into a bookstore and asked the clerk where the Help section was. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
Is a fly without wings called a walk?
Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Toulouse-Lautrec couldn't pay his bills because he was a little short.
An optician fell into a grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.
I wondered why the baseball was getting larger, then it hit me.
A short fortune teller escaped from prison and became a small medium at large.
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless?
I went into a bookstore and asked the clerk where the Help section was. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
Is a fly without wings called a walk?
Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Toulouse-Lautrec couldn't pay his bills because he was a little short.
An optician fell into a grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.
RLTW
Lefty
SFOC 1969
6th SFG(A) 69-70
Ranger Class 13-70
MACV Tm 21 70-71 (2nd ARVN Ranger Gp 23d
BN)
2/13 Armor 1st Cav 71-72
"Experience teaches a dear school, but fools will learn in no other, and some scarce in that"
Lefty
SFOC 1969
6th SFG(A) 69-70
Ranger Class 13-70
MACV Tm 21 70-71 (2nd ARVN Ranger Gp 23d
BN)
2/13 Armor 1st Cav 71-72
"Experience teaches a dear school, but fools will learn in no other, and some scarce in that"
Re: Lexophile
1. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
2. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
3. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
4. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
8. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
9. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
10. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'
11. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
12. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
2. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
3. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
4. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
8. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
9. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
10. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'
11. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
12. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
Ranger Class 13-71
Advisor, VN 66-68 69-70
42d Vn Ranger Battalion 1969-1970
Trainer, El Salvador 86-87
Advisor, Saudi Arabian National Guard 91, 93-94
75th RRA Life Member #867
Advisor, VN 66-68 69-70
42d Vn Ranger Battalion 1969-1970
Trainer, El Salvador 86-87
Advisor, Saudi Arabian National Guard 91, 93-94
75th RRA Life Member #867
Re: Lexophile
When a man escaped from the mental hospital and raped a woman, the local news headline was "Nuts, Bolts and Screws"
At my college fraternity parties, everyone wanted to eat, drink, and make Mary.
At my college fraternity parties, everyone wanted to eat, drink, and make Mary.
RLTW
Lefty
SFOC 1969
6th SFG(A) 69-70
Ranger Class 13-70
MACV Tm 21 70-71 (2nd ARVN Ranger Gp 23d
BN)
2/13 Armor 1st Cav 71-72
"Experience teaches a dear school, but fools will learn in no other, and some scarce in that"
Lefty
SFOC 1969
6th SFG(A) 69-70
Ranger Class 13-70
MACV Tm 21 70-71 (2nd ARVN Ranger Gp 23d
BN)
2/13 Armor 1st Cav 71-72
"Experience teaches a dear school, but fools will learn in no other, and some scarce in that"
Re: Lexophile
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Ranger Class 13-71
Advisor, VN 66-68 69-70
42d Vn Ranger Battalion 1969-1970
Trainer, El Salvador 86-87
Advisor, Saudi Arabian National Guard 91, 93-94
75th RRA Life Member #867
Advisor, VN 66-68 69-70
42d Vn Ranger Battalion 1969-1970
Trainer, El Salvador 86-87
Advisor, Saudi Arabian National Guard 91, 93-94
75th RRA Life Member #867
Re: Lexophile
Can't help it - if someone jumps off a bridge in Paris, they are in-Seine, but if they jump off the Aswan Dam, they are in de-Nile.
RLTW
Lefty
SFOC 1969
6th SFG(A) 69-70
Ranger Class 13-70
MACV Tm 21 70-71 (2nd ARVN Ranger Gp 23d
BN)
2/13 Armor 1st Cav 71-72
"Experience teaches a dear school, but fools will learn in no other, and some scarce in that"
Lefty
SFOC 1969
6th SFG(A) 69-70
Ranger Class 13-70
MACV Tm 21 70-71 (2nd ARVN Ranger Gp 23d
BN)
2/13 Armor 1st Cav 71-72
"Experience teaches a dear school, but fools will learn in no other, and some scarce in that"
Re: Lexophile
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U. C. L. A.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U. C. L. A.
Ranger Class 13-71
Advisor, VN 66-68 69-70
42d Vn Ranger Battalion 1969-1970
Trainer, El Salvador 86-87
Advisor, Saudi Arabian National Guard 91, 93-94
75th RRA Life Member #867
Advisor, VN 66-68 69-70
42d Vn Ranger Battalion 1969-1970
Trainer, El Salvador 86-87
Advisor, Saudi Arabian National Guard 91, 93-94
75th RRA Life Member #867
Re: Lexophile
The railroad man was sentenced to the electric chair for murder but had his sentence commuted when they learned he was a bad conductor.
The cannibal tribe was going to boil a missionary for dinner but stopped when they learned he was a Friar.
The cannibal tribe was going to boil a missionary for dinner but stopped when they learned he was a Friar.
RLTW
Lefty
SFOC 1969
6th SFG(A) 69-70
Ranger Class 13-70
MACV Tm 21 70-71 (2nd ARVN Ranger Gp 23d
BN)
2/13 Armor 1st Cav 71-72
"Experience teaches a dear school, but fools will learn in no other, and some scarce in that"
Lefty
SFOC 1969
6th SFG(A) 69-70
Ranger Class 13-70
MACV Tm 21 70-71 (2nd ARVN Ranger Gp 23d
BN)
2/13 Armor 1st Cav 71-72
"Experience teaches a dear school, but fools will learn in no other, and some scarce in that"
Re: Lexophile
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Ranger Class 13-71
Advisor, VN 66-68 69-70
42d Vn Ranger Battalion 1969-1970
Trainer, El Salvador 86-87
Advisor, Saudi Arabian National Guard 91, 93-94
75th RRA Life Member #867
Advisor, VN 66-68 69-70
42d Vn Ranger Battalion 1969-1970
Trainer, El Salvador 86-87
Advisor, Saudi Arabian National Guard 91, 93-94
75th RRA Life Member #867