NEED ADVICE FROM ANY PARENTS HERE

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usmc0369
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NEED ADVICE FROM ANY PARENTS HERE

Post by usmc0369 »

I am at a loss on what to do and need advice, especially from the parents here. My youngest daughter turned 18 last year. I’ve been a single parent since I got custody of her and her older sister after the first Gulf War. Both their mother and I were active duty Marines (now both retired) and our divorce was and still is amicable.

As my youngest got older, I allowed her to start making her own choices, under my guidance of course, and for the most part she gave me no cause for concern. Since she was raised a Marine brat I figured I had control at least for a little while over her. All was fine and well up until 2 years ago. She got into High School and met “Mr. Wonderful”.

I was patient, I figured I taught my kid enough about life so that she would take her time and enjoy life for a few years before wanting to settle down. Boy was I wrong.

Turns out “Mr. Wonderful” couldn’t wait to leave town for good and wanted to take my kid with him. I had to put my foot down to stop her from going then, as long as she was living under my roof and was not yet 18 she was under my control. Told her once she turned 18 and finished High School, she could make whatever choices, since I couldn’t stop her. This was last fall.

“Mr. Wonderful” has only stopped back to see her once this past Christmas for a few days. She disappears with him for a week and the next time I see her is when he dumped her back off at my house before he left again.

Fast forward to this week. She started packing all of her belongings and told me that she was leaving for good to go set up house with this guy.

Her mother and I raised her properly, taught her that there are certain types of people to avoid at all costs and to definitely NEVER have a relationship with them even a short term one, because of the consequences that she will end up suffering at society’s hand. Plus the stain she would bring on our family’s name by taking up with this kind of person. I was raised very old fashioned and come from a family with a long history of military service. How to I get my kid to dump this individual.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Re: NEED ADVICE FROM ANY PARENTS HERE

Post by BruteForce »

Well, she is 18 and is now capable (and legally) of making her own decisions.

If it were my daughter, I'd ensure that this "Mr. Wonderful" knew about the level of violence I would resort to if he mistreated her. A little intimidation goes a long way.

Sounds like you trust your daughter, but not the guy. If that's the case, make sure he understands the consequences of poor decisions on his part.
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Re: NEED ADVICE FROM ANY PARENTS HERE

Post by Disinfertention »

I'm interested to know why you don't like him. I can see the obvious reasons but I'm curious if there is more to his scumbag ways.
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Re: NEED ADVICE FROM ANY PARENTS HERE

Post by Rock Island Ranger »

Disinfertention wrote:I'm interested to know why you don't like him. I can see the obvious reasons but I'm curious if there is more to his scumbag ways.
Im daughter qualified....but Dis stated a pretty good question.

As for her age...yep....she gets to make that call. If he is such a shitbag, you have two options.

1. Let her go take her bumps, bruises, and be prepared to pick up the pieces when she comes home.

2. Get up close and personal with him. I mean, get fucking mean....mad dog mean....shove a pistol barrell up his right nostril till you see the front site in his eye ball and hammer it back till he thinks you will follow him to his grave or make it so he needs one.

You cant make her see anything now by the way. I assume you raised her to make her own decisions and live with the consequences....it's tough bud...but....it happens. Ive been there by the way, chose Option 2. It worked for me cause he dumped her combat quick. But, your call.
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Re: NEED ADVICE FROM ANY PARENTS HERE

Post by Flesh Thorn »

usmc0369 wrote:
Her mother and I raised her properly, taught her that there are certain types of people to avoid at all costs and to definitely NEVER have a relationship with them even a short term one, because of the consequences that she will end up suffering at society’s hand. Plus the stain she would bring on our family’s name by taking up with this kind of person. I was raised very old fashioned and come from a family with a long history of military service. How to I get my kid to dump this individual.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I am the single father of a 14 year old girl and I have accepted that there is only so much I can do. If you try too hard to control her it will back fire! I don't see how there is much you can do except to tell her that, "Daddy loves you" and tell her that you hope she is happy then go do a background check on this guy pronto! If there is anything that you need to take care of man to man then take care of it with "Lover Boy". Don't bitch, whine or complain to your daughter. Save it up for your "discussions" with the new man in her life. Let him be the one to whine, bitch, and cry like a little girl to your daughter while you on the other hand remain the good ole stable-strong loving DAD. Your daughter is young and in love and is thinking of houses with white picket fences right now, but she still has the values that you and your wife instilled into her.
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Re: NEED ADVICE FROM ANY PARENTS HERE

Post by RangerX »

You give them all the tools that you can, but at some point they have to learn how to use them properly. Kinda like a hammer. Sometimes you smash your thumb few times before you can call yourself a carpenter.

Think back to when she was just learning to walk. You were proud & excited, but at the same time you were scared she would fall and bust her ass. On top of that she was able to get in to all sorts of new trouble. Sometimes you have to stand just off to the side just in case you need to hold her hand, but you can't always hold her up. It's part of life.
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usmc0369
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Re: NEED ADVICE FROM ANY PARENTS HERE

Post by usmc0369 »

Disinfertention wrote:I'm interested to know why you don't like him. I can see the obvious reasons but I'm curious if there is more to his scumbag ways.
I was raised old school, I don't consider my prejudiced, but I am finding it difficult to be open minded.

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Re: NEED ADVICE FROM ANY PARENTS HERE

Post by panthersix »

usmc0369 wrote:
Disinfertention wrote:I'm interested to know why you don't like him. I can see the obvious reasons but I'm curious if there is more to his scumbag ways.
I was raised old school, I don't consider my prejudiced, but I am finding it difficult to be open minded.
Start gathering intell as suggested before only go deep as you can, get SSN and any other details. Build your database covertly but don't do anything illegal, if you happen to come across the data, store it. You can get background checks and other data off of the internet. Get a credit check, criminal check, known associates and whatever else you can get. Track the SOB's life.

Then talk to an attorney and find out when and if you can step in with the law on your side. Then have a talk with Loverboy and let him know that you're onto him and that you'll be channeling your energies into providing law enforcement officials with his exact modus operandi, movements, and locations.

You don't have to have the talk by yourself either. You can do it the way the squad leaders used to do it back in the day...."hey stud, why do you and I have a talk in the squad locker room?" He's thinking "hey I got a shot at kicking this assholes brains out", then he walks into the squad locker room and there are two more squad leaders there to distribute some "wall to wall" counseling bumps.

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Re: NEED ADVICE FROM ANY PARENTS HERE

Post by Ranger Ron »

Well Marine, it looks like these Rangers have pretty much given it to you straight!

Having raised two daughters and been very lucky with the outcomes, I wish you luck. I tend to lean toward letting her take her lumps and then picking her up. As usual, Pastor is spot on except I would have gone for the left nostril. :wink:
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Re: NEED ADVICE FROM ANY PARENTS HERE

Post by CloakAndDagger »

If it is too late to get her to change her mind (which it sounds like it is), the best you can do is to be on the best terms as possible with her before she leaves. Maybe use the "You're a grown woman now, I can't stop you, and I still love you" speach and treat her to a going away dinner. Just try to refrain from mentioning your opinion of him.

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Re: NEED ADVICE FROM ANY PARENTS HERE

Post by Hung Low »

It would be difficult for Mr. Wonderful to drive her off with broken fingers, especially after a fun-filled evening of waterboarding.

Not tellin' you what to do or anything; just sayin'...

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Re: NEED ADVICE FROM ANY PARENTS HERE

Post by DixieRat »

The Pastor's advice is sound. I had a similar experience with my now 26 y/o daughter. Her mom (now my ex) insisted we let her go. We've spent the last 8 years cleaning up the messes.

You either gotta take a positive approach to the dude and inform him his well being is at stake or sit back and wait for the inevitable. There is no easy way out, though.

Good luck.
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Re: NEED ADVICE FROM ANY PARENTS HERE

Post by K.Ingraham »

You almost certainly don't need this tidbit from me, but make sure she knows that you & Mom love her despite whatever mistakes she makes. Save the "I told you so" until just before the next big screw-up.

I'm not a parent but I was a teen.
(And remind her that kids & STDs are forever...)

Good luck.
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Re: NEED ADVICE FROM ANY PARENTS HERE

Post by KW Driver »

usmc0369 wrote:
Disinfertention wrote:I'm interested to know why you don't like him. I can see the obvious reasons but I'm curious if there is more to his scumbag ways.
I was raised old school, I don't consider my prejudiced, but I am finding it difficult to be open minded.
that implies to me that you don't like his skin color. if that's all it really is, it's your problem. if it's that, plus demonstrated behaviors, I'd go the pastor's route.
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Re: NEED ADVICE FROM ANY PARENTS HERE

Post by 75rangermom »

I am so sorry for the situation you find yourself in. The hardest part of parenting is knowing at some point we have to let go. I'm still struggling with that. Your daughter is of age legally. You've given her all the tools, knowledge and foundation you could give her. Time to let go and let God take over. Pray, pray and pray some more and let her know that while you do not want her to do this, she will always be your daughter and you will love her always no matter what.
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