Pet Diary

elle · Post by **elle** » October 27th, 2008, 12:49 pm

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary. ..

Day 983 of my captivity...
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now................

Rock Island Ranger · October 27th, 2008, 1:28 pm

Wow. Proof positive that cats are merely furry fuck terrorists and need to be put on the "Meats of the America's" list.

Boudicca · Post by **Boudicca** » October 27th, 2008, 1:57 pm

Oh bravo, Elle, you have caputured the thoughts of the enemy quite well.

(and my retarded allies too)

Bravo57 · Post by **Bravo57** » October 27th, 2008, 2:54 pm

Good one Elle!

RTO · Post by **RTO** » October 27th, 2008, 3:04 pm

Good one, and more than likely very true!

litlbird · Post by **litlbird** » October 28th, 2008, 5:00 am

My dog loves to chase pussy, it's his favorite thing.

Boudicca · Post by **Boudicca** » October 31st, 2008, 5:31 am

Hmm. A Liger just killed someone here on Wednesday at a wildlife sanctuary owned by a high school classmate of mine. Yeah, I know, not funny but I could make all kinds of jokes about a pussy eating a man.

http://www.newson6.com/global/story.asp?s=9271468

ANGRYCivilian · Post by **ANGRYCivilian** » November 1st, 2008, 3:32 am

Tater Nuts wrote:
Boudicca wrote:Hmm. A Liger just killed someone here on Wednesday at a wildlife sanctuary owned by a high school classmate of mine. Yeah, I know, not funny but I could make all kinds of jokes about a pussy eating a man.

http://www.newson6.com/global/story.asp?s=9271468
They are bred for their magic skills aren't they ?

Yes, it's pretty much my favorite animal.