Analogies & Metaphors...

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Julieanne
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Analogies & Metaphors...

Post by Julieanne »

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found inhigh school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers throughout the land...

1 Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2 His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3 He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4 She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5 She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6 Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7 He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8 The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9 The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10 McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11 From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12 Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13 The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14 Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15 They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16 John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17 He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18 Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19 The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

20 The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

21 He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

22 The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

23 It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

24 He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
~Julie
XVIII ABN Corps, Desert Storm Jan '91-May'91
319th MI BN May '91-Sept '93

"With the power of conviction, there is no sacrifice."
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Bravo57
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Post by Bravo57 »

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
B Co. FIST 3/75 Rgr Rgt.
1991-2000
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Task Force Ranger 1993


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Parkie
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Funny

Post by Parkie »

I think 14 is the funniest. Good stuff. I was laughing the whole way through.
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00-02 3-6 FA, 10th Mtn (Kosovo)
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Ranger Ron
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Post by Ranger Ron »

These are very funny to read unless you are the kids teacher and then it shouldn't be so funny maybe. :lol: :twisted: :twisted:
SUA SPONTE - "We few, we happy few, we BAND OF BROTHERS;
for he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother!"
- Shakespeare

RLTW! - Land of the Free BECAUSE of the Brave

RS 3-70
SSG VN 69-70
I Co., 75th. Inf.
4/9 Inf., 25th ID

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SmileyTFJ

Re: Analogies & Metaphors...

Post by SmileyTFJ »

Julieanne wrote:24 He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
Just in time for Valentine's day :lol: :lol:
Invictus
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Post by Invictus »

You should post a warning before letting someone read that at work...damn that was funny.
elle
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Re: Analogies & Metaphors...

Post by elle »

Julieanne wrote: 4 She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
:shock: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


Happy Valentine's Eh!
Cat
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Re: Funny

Post by Cat »

Parkie wrote:I think 14 is the funniest. Good stuff. I was laughing the whole way through.
Sounds like that student was mixing their Math and English classes together. :lol:
U.S. Army Signal Corps, 31M7A/31S
385th SigCo (FWD) Kuwait Jan 94- Dec 94
235th(67th) TACSAT Ft Gordon, GA. 95-97
--
Mainz-Kastel, Germany 98-00, AD Dept
Ft Bragg 00-02, AD Dept
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