Texas Universities

RBL_M1A2Tanker · Post by **RBL_M1A2Tanker** » July 27th, 2006, 8:54 am

Just a few differences between'em. :D

University of Texas.

I live in a town where you stand out if you don't have a purple mohawk, facial peircings chained to nipple peircings, a homosexual lover, or hang out at the Magnolia Cafe. More people go to my school than live in Australia. I honestly believe that Ricky Williams is a god. I am open-minded and spiritually intune - except towards people who are closed minded and spiritually out of tune. Liberal women with armpit hair are cool. You can see my dorm from Chicago for it is as tall as Florida would be if it stood up. I protest everything - except protests. I am a gold card carrying member of Amnesty International. I am openly bi-curious. I am a Longhorn.

Texas A&M University.

I live in a town the size of a piece of bacteria on a fly's ass. I spend friday nights practicing my yells. I can whoop better than anyone can in my battalion. I beat up faggots for fun. If I'm not yelling, drinking with my battalion, or beating up faggots for fun, I am at the Dixie Chicken. My father went to school here, just as his father did before him, and his father before him. My brother went to TU. They never found his body after he came home that first Christmas in college. I won't walk on the grass. I look forward to the day I, too, will do the elephant walk. I believe it is cool to do something because they tell me it is tradition. If something is not a tradition and we accidentally do it, we then make it one. I can call UT, TU if I want. I am an Aggie.

Baylor University.

I live by homeless vagrants, whom I turn my nose up to. I look just like everyone else at my school. The NoZe Brothers are the coolest things since khakis and sandals. I have leather Abercrombie and Fitch Bible covers. I have an Abercombie and Fitch everything. I can coordinate outfits and ensembles better than anyone can in my upscale apartment complex. I have a radar that lets me know where the closest ATM is. If I can't find one it's okay - I have ten credit cards all of which are billed to my parents. My town is so conservative that anyone who kisses on the mouth before three years of marriage is drug through the center of town, stoned, and hung to death. I like me. I should be an underwear model. I am a Bear.

Texas Tech University.

I live on a piece of dirt so flat that we call the four-degree incline at the intersection of 19th and Brownfield "the Big Hill". I get dirt in my eyes, hair, and teeth when I walk to class. I can outdrink anyone from any other school because that is what we do best. If I'm not drunk by 4:30 pm I'm high. I can't buy beer within 50 miles of where I live - so I trek to the strip, which my friends and I all consider a true paradise on Earth. I don't go to many football games. I don't go to any organizational meetings. I don't really go to anything. Not even class. I like the fact that Will Rogers' horse's ass points to College Station. I fry cow balls. I know where Buddy Holly used to live. I am desperately trying to find a rival within our conference to make fun of. Our football players get caught by the NCAA. If I'm not drunk by 4:30 pm I'm high. But I'm usually drunk by 4:30 pm. Or I'm high. I am a Red Raider.

Texas Christian University (TCU).

I am in a frat or sorority- of course. I drive a Lexus or Mercedes, and if I pass all my classes then Daddy said he would buy me that little condo on Hulen next semester. I wear my diamonds and heels for football games and get dressed for bed and THEN go to the basketball games. Anyone and everyone goes to the Pub or Scooners. We are having a J. Crew built in the book store next year and our send home credit cards apply at ALL times. Where the girls' hair is as fake as their tans. The freshman 15 means nothing more to me than a new wardrobe. Where the girl to guy ratio is four to one and the only one getting any action is the rapist. Where the girls are girls, and so are the guys. I'm a frog.

Cat · Post by **Cat** » July 27th, 2006, 9:57 am

No University of Houston?...I know there is aleast one ArmyRanger.com alum here

RBL_M1A2Tanker · Post by **RBL_M1A2Tanker** » July 27th, 2006, 11:03 am

It's all I had in the big 75 page file of jokes and gags, many that I picked up from my former gunner when I was on active.

It might have just been left out...or they're in their own catagory.

82d11b2p · Post by **82d11b2p** » July 27th, 2006, 11:35 am

Gig'em Aggies!!!!

All the rest are just trying to catch up...

SkyShark · Post by **SkyShark** » July 27th, 2006, 11:35 am

82d11b2p wrote:Gig'em Aggies!!!!

All the rest are just trying to catch up...

KW Driver · Post by **KW Driver** » July 27th, 2006, 12:40 pm

Howdy Wade, I'm KW, class of '91, glad to meet you.

it ain't TU, it's tu.

and fuck Cougar high.

forgot about the rocket scientist-nerds at Rice.

Rock Island Ranger · Post by **Rock Island Ranger** » July 27th, 2006, 12:58 pm

Well, Tanker....I hope to GRITS you are from Texas. I spent $30,000 a year sending my daughter, yea,...the one with the turned up nose and 6 credit cards to Baylor. After she got her Masters, she is running a Ministry to Mexico trying to feed some of the whores in Boys Town. She is making a grand total of about $200 a month and living in abject poverty and being a Physical Therpist for Mexican Children.

Anything else you would like to add you fucking dimwit?

rgrpuck · Post by **rgrpuck** » July 27th, 2006, 1:02 pm

Abell9 wrote:Well, Tanker....I hope to GRITS you are from Texas. I spent $30,000 a year sending my daughter, yea,...the one with the turned up nose and 6 credit cards to Baylor. After she got her Masters, she is running a Ministry to Mexico trying to feed some of the whores in Boys Town. She is making a grand total of about $200 a month and living in abject poverty and being a Physical Therpist for Mexican Children.

Anything else you would like to add you fucking dimwit?

I would think carefully before you answer .......If I were you .....

RBL_M1A2Tanker · Post by **RBL_M1A2Tanker** » July 27th, 2006, 1:09 pm

Ranger Abell, this was from an email from over 6 years ago. Just something that was amusing found on the net back then.

rgrpuck · Post by **rgrpuck** » July 27th, 2006, 1:13 pm

....are you amused Abell ?......

Hey Tanker ..... do ya feel like ya found a rattle snake on the trail......about 2 feet from you .......

RBL_M1A2Tanker · Post by **RBL_M1A2Tanker** » July 27th, 2006, 1:16 pm

rgrpuck wrote:....are you amused Abell ?......

Hey Tanker ..... do ya feel like ya found a rattle snake on the trail......about 2 feet from you .......

Mighty big one at that Sergeant Major.

Rock Island Ranger · Post by **Rock Island Ranger** » July 27th, 2006, 1:17 pm

RBL_M1A2Tanker wrote:Ranger Abell, this was from an email from over 6 years ago. Just something that was amusing found on the net back then.

Hummm, can't say Im amused much....

I'd say your tryen too hard to fit...and as your clompin around with those tanker boots, walk on your toes....

rgrpuck · Post by **rgrpuck** » July 27th, 2006, 1:17 pm

Dont laugh to loud .....I dont think he is done yet ....

Vee · Post by **Vee** » July 27th, 2006, 2:14 pm

Abell9 wrote: After she got her Masters, she is running a Ministry to Mexico trying to feed some of the whores in Boys Town.

She tryin to get your revenge for you?

Oh.......wait...........that wasn't the whores in Mexico, that was the seven and eight year old kids in fricken Ga-watta-fucking-malla or someplace what beat yer ass.

How's that story go again?

KW Driver · Post by **KW Driver** » July 27th, 2006, 9:28 pm

Abell9 wrote:. After she got her Masters, she is running a Ministry to Mexico trying to feed some of the whores in Boys Town.

that mean she can work discounts for us Pastor? like a twofer special or sumthin? lemme know, I may be roofing mom's place next month and in need of a break...