Drinks and Personality

[289sotherhalf]

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:

Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, has picky taste; knows what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. She'll send YOU a drink.

Drink: Wine - (does not include white zinfandel, see below)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Your Approach: Tell her you wish Reagan had had four more years...Alzheimer's and term limits be damned.

Drink: White Zin
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually has no clue.
Your approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...

Drink: Shots
Personality: Hanging with frat-boy pals or looking to get drunk ... and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. Nothing to do but wait.

Additional note: If she likes salt on the rim of her Margarita, she swallows.

_____________________________________________________________


THE FIVE STAGES OF DRINKING

LEVEL 1: It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have work the next day and one of your friends buys another round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends. Here at level one you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly, why as long as I get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I'm cool."

LEVEL 2: It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again, but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers) I'm cool."

LEVEL 3: One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing FOR artificial turf. And now you're thinking, "Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!" At level three, you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you buy a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you feel like it. You get drinking fantasies. (like,"Hey fellas, if we bought our own bar, we could live together forever. We could do it. Tommy, you could cook.") But at level three, that devil is a little bit bigger....and he's buying. And you're thinking, "Oh, come on, come on now. As long as I get three hours sleep...and a complete change of blood (snaps fingers), I'm cool."

LEVEL 4: Two in the morning. And the devil is bartending. For last call, you ordered a bottle of rum and a Coke. You ARE artificial turf! This time on your way to the bathroom, you punch the stranger at the end of the bar, just because you feel like it! You and your friends decide to leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of you knows an after hours bar. And here, at level four, you actually think to yourself, "Well....as long as I'm only going to get a few hours sleep anyway, I may as well....STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!!! Yeah! That'd be good for me. I don't mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work for me. And besides, as long as I get 31 hours sleep tomorrow ...................cool."

LEVEL 5: Five in the morning after unsuccessfully trying to get your money back at the tattoo parlor, ("But I don't even know anybody named Ruby!!!") you and your friends wind up across the state line in a bar with guys who have been in prison as recently as that morning. It's the kind of place where even the devil is going, "Uh, I gotta turn in. I gotta be in Hell-at nine. I've got that brunch with Hitler, I can't miss that." At this point, you're all drinking some kind of thick blue liquor, like something from a Klingon wedding. A waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and you think to yourself, "Someday I'm gonna marry that girl!!" One of your friends stands up and screams, "WE'RE DRIVIN' TO FLORIDA!!!!!"- and passes out. You crawl outside for air , and then you hit the worst part of level five-the sun. You weren't expecting that were you? You never do. You walk out of a bar in daylight, and you see people on their way to work, or jogging. And they look at you and they know. And they say..."Who's Ruby?"

Let's be honest, if you're 19 and you stay up all night, it's like a victory like you've beat the night, but if you're over 30, then that sun is like God's flashlight. We all say the same prayer then, "I swear, I will never do this again (how long?) as long as I live!" And some of us have that little addition, "and this time, I mean it!"

[Ranger Ron]

Please pass me a shot of Margarita!

[RTO]

Please pass me a shot of Margarita!

With salt.......?

[Ranger Ron]

Please pass me a shot of Margarita!

With salt.......?

Well I thought that would go without saying!

[Ranger Ron]

BS502, that just isn't fair. I am trying to work and you come along and completely distract me.

[IntelToad]

Those five stages of drinking bring back memories of Wednesday nights at Little Richards on Victory Drive-

1900 hrs- "Okay, we have a roadmarch tommorrow, first call at 0430. A couple of beers and we're out of here."

2000 hrs- "Why yes, I'd love to buy you a $10.00 glass of champagne sweetheart, you really like me don't you ?"

2100 hrs- "Hell yeah, let's do shots"

2200 hrs- "Uhhhh, if we leave by like midnight, we can still get four hours of sleep."

2300 hrs- "FREEBIRD !!!"

2400 hrs- "Aw fuck it, we might as well stay until closing."

0100 hrs- "Hey, wake the fuck up or they'll throw us out."

0145 hrs- "Hurry, last call, Tequila shots !!!"

0200 hrs- "Christ, those fucking lights are bright. Turn them off. Whaddya mean we gotta leave ? We just fucking got here."

0230-0430 hrs- "ZZZZZZZ"

0430 hrs- "Whaaa ? ZZZZZZ First call ? Where the fuck am I ?? Oh, you gotta be shitting me."

:D

[289sotherhalf]

Those five stages of drinking bring back memories of Wednesday nights at Little Richards on Victory Drive-

Ranger IntelToad, that's a name I haven't heard in quite a while! Little Richards......had that little liquor store and Rambos just past it.

[RangerX]

Those five stages of drinking bring back memories of Wednesday nights at Little Richards on Victory Drive-

1900 hrs- "Okay, we have a roadmarch tommorrow, first call at 0430. A couple of beers and we're out of here."

2000 hrs- "Why yes, I'd love to buy you a $10.00 glass of champagne sweetheart, you really like me don't you ?"

2100 hrs- "Hell yeah, let's do shots"

2200 hrs- "Uhhhh, if we leave by like midnight, we can still get four hours of sleep."

2300 hrs- "FREEBIRD !!!"

2400 hrs- "Aw fuck it, we might as well stay until closing."

0100 hrs- "Hey, wake the fuck up or they'll throw us out."

0145 hrs- "Hurry, last call, Tequila shots !!!"

0200 hrs- "Christ, those fucking lights are bright. Turn them off. Whaddya mean we gotta leave ? We just fucking got here."

0230-0430 hrs- "ZZZZZZZ"

0430 hrs- "Whaaa ? ZZZZZZ First call ? Where the fuck am I ?? Oh, you gotta be shitting me."

:D

You actually slept?!?

I remember getting the alert page at the Pillow Talk.

Entire squad, lit like Christmas trees. Road march with enough fumes to launch the space shuttle. Entire squad shooting expert despite seing more than the usual amount of targets downrange.

[old13bm5]

Ahhhh, Little Richards. Thats the place I had my first bar beer at 17. Legal age was 18 at the time. Growing up in Columbus did have it's perks.