Stupid Shit New Dicks Do

[StrykeFirst]

Ok, I find some of this shit funny as hell (mostly WAY after the fact) but I just wanna hear of some of the dumb shit you all have had soldiers do while a TL or SL or whatever the case maybe...

I'll start it out like this...

I'm an E-4 team leader (all the responsibility and none of the respect) and I got this fucking dumbass...I'm gonna call him Turbo...and I swear to God he is the most retarded kid I've ever come across....


Example #1 Alright, so its a Friday at COB, I tell Turbo he has CLS starting the following monday, he dosent have to come to PT that morning just link up with the medics at 0900...I'm thinking, to easy he cant fuck it up...Sure enough 0900 I see him in our platoon bay after I come back from breakfast and he is looking confused. So I say "Hey Turbo, whats up with CLS class, that shit get cancelled or what?" Turbo says, "I dont know Specialist, I only remembered that I didnt have to do PT this morning". After I completley explode and proceed to smoke the living dog balls off of him, once again he gives me the serious face and says "YOU CANT REALLY EXPECT ME TO REMEMBER EVERYTHING YOU SAY FROM FRIDAY, THAT WAS 3 DAYS AGO"

Example #2(THIS ONE IS FUCKING GOOD): We're out at the MOUT site pulling a 0Dark30 raid a couple weeks back. Its part of a bilateral operation with the Singaporean Army so you know there's a couple pieces of Brass walking around during the Op. In Turbo's and my best interest I decide to leave him in the vehicle and let him help out the Cordon by pullin some security with the 240B. To easy right? Stand there, pull security. Turbo cant fuck this up.
Sure enough raid gets finished and here comes Top making a bee-line straight for my direction. "What kind of things are you fucking teaching your soldiers are acceptable in my company?" I reply, "Uhhh, uhhh, Well...." He says "Explain to me why one of YOUR men answered his God-Damn cell phone to talk to his mother while he's supposed to be pulling security"
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[Chiron]

I didn't laugh! I felt like punching someone. Turbo or any example of "Turbo" types should not be considered "humor".

What a mess.

[ANGRYCivilian]

Here's what you do: sew several rabbit skins together, making a mask, complete with eye/nose/mouth holes. It works best if you use skins from several different rabbits. Make Turbo wear the mask all the fucking time and smoke him until he dies. When in the presence of higher-ranking Soldiers, or those who are not in your squad, Turbo may be allowed to gently fold the mask, and carry it in a cargo pocket. At all times, he must have the mask.

How will this help? I don't know, but it's something I did, until the 1SG said it was torture and took the mask. Then I made a mask/cape that was even more disturbing...it was like Leatherface's mask, only fur-side out.

Turbo will remember what you said on Friday after the first time you catch him out at the mall, and make him don the mask...

[old13bm5]

I once had the pleasure of working with a guy like this in Korea. An example is as follows. During an FTX we are bedding down about 0100. It's somewhere in the range of 30 below outside the squad tent. Our Gun chief tells everyone to make sure that there sleeping bags are on the air mattresses and not to sleep with more than your longjohns on. Well guess who didnt follow instructions and was frozen to the ground the next morning. Hint it wasnt me

[Jim]

Everyone has had at least one "Turbo" work for him before. I know Ive had my share. Those situations are hilarious when you look back but not when its happening.
Good story!!

X2!

[Rico]

Some day I'm going to tell my "turbo" story, it will be autobiographical...

[Silverback]

Turbo? I think he's been around the Army for a very long time.

Turbo was receiving harsh punishment for failing a pee test. I asked turbo "Why in the world did you think you would get away with this"

He replied "Sergeant, my buddies told me that since we were smoking out of a copper pipe...I wouldn't come up hot"

[ANGRYCivilian]

He replied "Sergeant, my buddies told me that since we were smoking out of a copper pipe...I wouldn't come up hot"

hahaha! That's the funniest thing I've heard all day.

[Disinfertention]

I had two of my guys piss hot...

That's not funny?

[Parabellum]

I got one in my platoon right now. But I will refer to him as "Ozone" not "Turbo".

[Sleepy Doc]

My version of "Turbo" showed up for PT formation wearing two earrings after clubbing all night in Atlanta.. The platoon sergeant and 1SG noticed at the same time as me... Lotsa PT that morning.

That's almost as good as the time I was accused by the Brigade S-3 of showing up for a jump drunk (I wasn't.. just stank like a motherfucker..) just before loading the plane at the airfield. Lets just say that was a LOOOOONNNGGG day for the kid..