The funny things kids say.....Part 2

Looon · Post by **Looon** » August 19th, 2006, 7:10 pm

My wife bought some new fudge cookies yesterday. After opening the package, my son took a smell of the cookies, then turned to my wife and said to her "Mom, you don't stand a chance against these!!"

Bravo57 · Post by **Bravo57** » August 24th, 2006, 2:42 pm

I took Mason (my 2 1/2 year old son) out to Menards to buy some shit for the house. We shop for about 15 minutes, get everything we need and proceed to the checkout.

As we are standing in line, we happen to be behind a big black dude. He and I exchange pleasentries about gas prices.. bla bla bla.

Mason says "Hey Daddy, Look at the big black monkey!!!!"

I think to myself, Fuck, what the fuck is he looking at?????

So now I'm looking around the store as this dude is GLARING at me and I'm thinking, Great, I'm going to have to beat this dudes ass in Menards... when I see what Mason is talking about.

Up past the counter was a giant blow up King Kong!

I look at Mason, look and point at the Blow up King Kong, and say, "that's right son, look at the big black monkey, his name is King Kong".

Dude looked at the blow up monkey, looked back at me and we both started cracking up! The dude says, "I've heard some pretty fucked up things before, but that took the cake until I saw King Kong over there"

I just kept laughing and told him "Yeah, I'm glad we didn't have to throw down in the Menards check out"

I saw Dude about 2 weeks later at a Bike rally and bought him a beer, still couldn't stop laughing.

cams · Post by **cams** » August 27th, 2006, 10:33 am

Bravo57 wrote:I took Mason (my 2 1/2 year old son) out to Menards to buy some shit for the house. We shop for about 15 minutes, get everything we need and proceed to the checkout.

As we are standing in line, we happen to be behind a big black dude. He and I exchange pleasentries about gas prices.. bla bla bla.

Mason says "Hey Daddy, Look at the big black monkey!!!!"

I think to myself, Fuck, what the fuck is he looking at?????

So now I'm looking around the store as this dude is GLARING at me and I'm thinking, Great, I'm going to have to beat this dudes ass in Menards... when I see what Mason is talking about.

Up past the counter was a giant blow up King Kong!

I look at Mason, look and point at the Blow up King Kong, and say, "that's right son, look at the big black monkey, his name is King Kong".

Dude looked at the blow up monkey, looked back at me and we both started cracking up! The dude says, "I've heard some pretty fucked up things before, but that took the cake until I saw King Kong over there"

I just kept laughing and told him "Yeah, I'm glad we didn't have to throw down in the Menards check out"

I saw Dude about 2 weeks later at a Bike rally and bought him a beer, still couldn't stop laughing.

cams · Post by **cams** » August 27th, 2006, 10:38 am

Took my boy Hunter to Chucky Cheese last week for his 9th birthday with a coupla his friends.

He's having a ball, got them like 50-60 dollars worth of tokens, pizza, bread sticks, soda, the works ya know.

So Hunter looks at me while we're eating an says, "Hey Daddy, Chucky Cheese is for kids of all ages, young and old, like you! I always want to come here!"

Almost choked on my pizza laughing, kid's fucking cute, little shit.

SkyShark · Post by **SkyShark** » August 31st, 2006, 4:00 pm

LOL This just happened 5 minutes ago.

I am on the phone with my wife and she is at home with our 8 year old.

he comes out of the bathroom after dropping off a Seal Team and says to my wife.

Son: SMELL MY FEEET AND FEEL MY RASH!!!!!

Wife: You have a rash? Where?

Son: What?

Wife: You have a rash?

Son: No. FEEL my rash!!

Wife: Do you mean wrath?

Son: <crickets chirping>

Son: SMELL MY FEET AND SMELL MY WRATH!!!!!

289sotherhalf · Post by **289sotherhalf** » August 31st, 2006, 6:37 pm

Ok, here are a couple gems from our little devils-----

There was this one time......long story short, one of my aunts has a mustache, that she trims and keeps up

, well anyways, our little girl is about 3, and she notices it, and promptly informs her that "Mustache's aren't for girls, they're for boys!"..........Yeah, that was interesting,

.

A couple of months ago, the other half is on the computer, cussing, and our boy jumps up out of the chair and asks, "What's wrong Dad? Is it another poser?".

Oh, then once, our boy was in Kindergarten. The teacher phones us, and says she just has to inform us of what our son said. Apparently he was talking to another kid waiting in line at lunch, and he tells this kid that he is having sex with his girlfriend.

WTF? Then he tells his teacher that she shouldn't bother calling us, because we wouldn't be at home, we were at work. Needless to say, when he got home we had quite the discussion, in which we asked him, what he thought sex was. He says kissing. Thank the Lawd!

Oto-Man · Post by **Oto-Man** » August 31st, 2006, 8:19 pm

HH6 comes home and the babysitter is on the couch dying of laughter... 6 says "what's so funny?" all the sitter can do is point to the kitchen. HH6 enters the kitchen and see's Eric (3 years old) on top of the counter covered in chocolate, finishing off the 2 quart of Hershey's syrup...he looks at her and says, with an 'I'm serious as a somma bitch attitude' "And I know where you keep the sugar too!!!"

1 more PRECIOUS MOMENT:

17 year old daughter element comes home from Catholic High School...pissed off, sobbing, and ready for blood...

Here's the conversation:

Rgr Oto-Man: "Honey, what's wrong, what happened?"

Daughter element: "My 5th period class is going to sue our sick bastard of a teacher! That's what's wrong."

Rgr: "Why? What did he do?"

DE: "He made a gross sexual comment infront of the whole class, about the whole class and we're gonna sue him!!!!"

RGR (ready to kick some teacher ass): "Well, what did he say?"

DE: "I can't tell you....it's too gross."

Rgr: "Honey, it's OK...you can tell me...After all I was a Ranger" (True Quote!)

DE: "ok. but don't get mad at me for saying a sex thing"

Rgr: "I wont sweetie. Just tell me what he said" (Loading the .45...)

DE: "He called us a bunch of Anal Idiots"

Rgr: "And...and you're going to sue him???"

DE: "Yeah...Daddy that's gross"

Rgr: "OK?? And what do you think that meant?""

DE: "You know...SEX IN THE BUTT!!!"

How do you tell a 4.0 honor student she is retarded? And Anal Retentive?

She still asks me to pass the strawberry PRESERVATIVES at breakfast when she's home.

It's amazing what a 5K per year High School and 17K per year college CANT do for someone....

But she's loveable...and actually very smart.

MrsDocMac · Post by **MrsDocMac** » August 31st, 2006, 9:09 pm

I am terribly afraid of spiders. Horribly, ridiculously afraid of them as a matter of fact. I was outside trying to weed my little fower bed today and my 2 year old was helping when a spider crawled out on the sidewalk next to me. I of course start flippin out because this thing was big, and Kierstyn is asking me what's wrong. The spider is between us so I'm telling her, "It's a spider, go around it, get in the grass and come to Mommy!" In a slightly hysterical voice. She looks at the ground, walks over to it, steps on it and says, "It's just a bug Mommy, you can step on it and kill him dead, but only when you have on shoes... goober..." Then she goes back to diligently pull up more of my flowers.

I've never felt more stupid in my life. On the plus side, I now have an official spider killer in the house while the hubby is away.

SmileyTFJ · Post by **SmileyTFJ** » September 1st, 2006, 6:45 am

I caught my 5 year old in a lie last night. After we talked and I laid on the guilt and punishment, she told me she loved me, and was felling "sad, sullen, and mal." The random Spanish word didn't surprise me as much as my 5 year old telling me she was sullen!

cams · Post by **cams** » September 7th, 2006, 12:40 pm

My boy Hunter again....tells me last night as I'm reading to him in bed, "I just can't go to sleep early Daddy, do you want to know why?"

Me, "Why is that Hunter?"

"Because I was born at 10:30 at night, that means it's like mornng to me, when I came out, you know? "

The way kids make you smile, on the inside even more than the smile on your face, incredible.

Wish they could stay young and innocent.

Maggot275 · Post by **Maggot275** » September 7th, 2006, 1:26 pm

My mother was watching my kids while I was on duty. When I get home, she's outside watching my 2.5 yr son and 1 yr old daughter play in the yard. We live in the country and have an outhouse. Since my son has been potty trained his big thing is to go in the outhouse like Dad.

So, I am talking to my Mom and dude comes up and says to my Mom, "Gramma, Carl go poop." She says "Just a minute, honey." He looks at her with a frown and says, "Gramma, Carl go poop in the 'hithouse, dammit!"

She just looked at me with raised eyebrows.

An outhouse is also known as a shithouse, for you rockheads out there.

Creeping Death · Post by **Creeping Death** » September 7th, 2006, 2:03 pm

I have a soon to be 2 yr old daughter who is already a damn handfull. She already acts like a little team leader in training, bossing her big sister around, and just generally have waayyyyyy too much charachter for such a young age. She has actually looked at me before, all 22lbs of her, raised her fist, and asked me if I wanted a fat lip.

The other night, the wife was in the kitchen cooking dinner, and both the girls wanted more milk. So the are standing at the counter next to my wife, bugging the shit out of her while she is trying to cook. When she starts to get their milk, the 2yo goes into TL mode and starts barking orders at her older sister. MY wife scolds the 2 yo, informing her that she is not the boss, to behave, etc. The 2 yo then informs wife that SHE is the boss, when the wife smacks her on the back of her little hand, and continues to scold her.

Without batting an eye, my 2yo changes from the team leader voice to the sweet little innocent girl voice, looks up at the wife and raises her freshly smacked hand and says "KISS IT". (as in kiss her boo boo).

Guess it's a good thing the wife didn't spank her ass.

cams · Post by **cams** » September 8th, 2006, 12:07 pm

Creeping Death wrote:I have a soon to be 2 yr old daughter who is already a damn handfull. She already acts like a little team leader in training, bossing her big sister around, and just generally have waayyyyyy too much charachter for such a young age. She has actually looked at me before, all 22lbs of her, raised her fist, and asked me if I wanted a fat lip.

The other night, the wife was in the kitchen cooking dinner, and both the girls wanted more milk. So the are standing at the counter next to my wife, bugging the shit out of her while she is trying to cook. When she starts to get their milk, the 2yo goes into TL mode and starts barking orders at her older sister. MY wife scolds the 2 yo, informing her that she is not the boss, to behave, etc. The 2 yo then informs wife that SHE is the boss, when the wife smacks her on the back of her little hand, and continues to scold her.

Without batting an eye, my 2yo changes from the team leader voice to the sweet little innocent girl voice, looks up at the wife and raises her freshly smacked hand and says "KISS IT". (as in kiss her boo boo).

Guess it's a good thing the wife didn't spank her ass.

jsmurphy · Post by **jsmurphy** » September 8th, 2006, 4:15 pm

I had a neighbor who was like a grandpa to my kids when they were younger. He got cancer and died, and naturally we all went to the funeral.
So we're sitting in the chapel before the service starts, and my younger son who was 5 at the time is sitting next to me looking around.
He spots a huge painting of The Crucifixion on the wall. I notice him staring wide-eyed at Jesus with the blood streaming down his face, hands and feet, and I just knew he was going to say something. Before I could stop him, he points and yells out really fucking loudly, "JESUS CHRIST, WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT GUY" !!!