PTSD and how to talk to a Ranger Veteran

[JES_forever]

Recently, I lost a friend who served in the Rangers. The last time I talked to him, he mentioned that he was having a really tough time with nightmares and PTSD. He was trying to get out the words...but I didn't know how to respond.

I just started dating another Ranger veteran (totally coincidentally and unrelated) He has the same set of conditions as my friend who died (they served at about the same time in the early 90's) This time, if he comes to me and wants to talk about it, I want to be ready and know how to talk to him.

Resources about military related PTSD that I've found don't touch upon the unique issues that veterans of elite special forces face.

Obviously, understanding is not an approach because I can't even begin to imagine. I can't very well say "There, there, it's all OK now" because it's not. I don't know if asking questions is good or bad. And I feel like keeping my mouth shut and just listening wasn't enough.

Can anybody help me?

[Flesh Thorn]

I just started dating another Ranger veteran (totally coincidentally and unrelated) He has the same set of conditions as my friend who died (they served at about the same time in the early 90's)

Did your boyfriend serve in Somalia ?

[Silverback]

Resources about military related PTSD that I've found don't touch upon the unique issues that veterans of elite special forces face.

The manifestation of PTSD has different facets, but those are mostly dependent on the person suffering and not the unit they served in. Obviously someone who served in Combat with the Rangers is more likely to suffer from PTSD than someone who served potatoes in the chow hall during the Jimmy Carter era, but the bottom line is PTSD is PTSD. So everything you can learn about PTSD would be beneficial.

[JES_forever]

Thanks so much for replying.

The guy I'm dating joined right after the situation in Somalia. My friend John who just died was part of the missions there.

I'm learning everything I can about PTSD. However, both of my Rangers have the same demeanor, evasiveness, and silence about their service. I know it has to do with tours of duty being classified and also the standard of mental toughness that was instilled in them.

I'm still looking for a really good resource that's specific to combat PTSD. If anyone knows of one, please let me know.

[Jim]

Try this:

http://www.ptsd.va.gov/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[JES_forever]

Thanks so much for the link. I've found lots of useful information about PTSD but nothing really written by soldiers.

I guess what I'm looking for is this: If you're a Ranger Combat Veteran and you're lying with your girl and mention that you have nightmares, what is the best thing she can say to you? Should she get you to talk about it? Keep her big mouth shut? Reassure you that what you experienced was brave and in service of your country? If you have you ever thought "Gee, I would really like someone to _____________________" What is the ____________________?

I'd like to hear it from an actual warrior, not a psychologist. I know everyone's experience, personality and such are different but it would be helpful to have a range of opinions.

[Baseplate]

You could tell him to go to your local VA counselling center and tell them he needs an appointment. If he refuses to go ask him why? Believe it or not most of the people who work with veterans in the VA are good people. It is the other slugs that screw it up. Make sure he brings his DD-214.

Also I am wondering when and where he was in combat?

[Silverback]

Also I am wondering when and where he was in combat?

^ This....remember that Combat is not the only tram

[Flesh Thorn]

^ This....remember that Combat is not the only tram

If you're a Ranger Combat Veteran and you're lying with your girl and mention that you have nightmares, what is the best thing she can say to you?

I am under the impression that JES_forever's boyfriend is a combat veteran.

[JES_forever]

He served from 93 until I think, 99. Not sure where because he's changed the subject the few times I brought it up (when talking about my friend who passed away) All he's given me so far is "I sometimes jump out of bed from PTSD" My response at the time was just a hug...which is why I'm here.

We just started dating so I'm not sure what his history with counseling is. But he's an ultra tough guy. I can't imagine he'd admit to needing help from a professional.
I've been reading how bad of a problem the mentality of "if you need help you're weak" is with veterans. It breaks my heart.

[Flesh Thorn]

He served from 93 until I think, 99. Not sure where because he's changed the subject the few times I brought it up (when talking about my friend who passed away) All he's given me so far is "I sometimes jump out of bed from PTSD"

So he claims to have PTSD from something that happened during his military service or are you just assuming that this is what he means ? Like Silverback stated, PTSD isn't just limited to combat.

[Baseplate]

^ This....remember that Combat is not the only tram

If you're a Ranger Combat Veteran and you're lying with your girl and mention that you have nightmares, what is the best thing she can say to you?

I am under the impression that JES_forever's boyfriend is a combat veteran.

I was also under that impression but I am aware there are other types of trama. Also though as far as the VA is concerned the trama part is only a small portion of the benefits process. 2 people could have the exact same trauma and get 2 different ratings due to the way it has affected their life

[garyedolan]

I highly recommend you read THE RESILIENT WARRIOR, Before, during and After War, by Glenn R. Schiraldi (my west Point Classmate & good friend). It is for families as well as for the Warrior, him(her)self, and is an easy read of about 70 pages.

[Flesh Thorn]

JES_forever, I am curious about what Ranger Battalion he served with. I am sure he has some buddies from back in day right here on ArmyRanger.com. If you want, you can PM his name and maybe Ranger will recognize him. Having the fellowship of others you served with is always good medicine.

[JES_forever]

I will check out the book for sure. That's exactly the kind of resource I'm looking for.

He was in the 2nd Battalion. But he's not an internet person...at all. He doesn't even have na email address. His job, social life--his entire world actually--is mano-a-mano...but I'll feel him out to see...

I'm not sure what he experienced...our mutual friends have told me he saw combat but I don't know exactly when or where. Like I said, he's pretty mum about it.

It's good to know that you guys are out here for each other. If I can swing him over to believing that cyber-space isn't all bad, I'll send him over here.