Redneck exam.

Chiron · Post by **Chiron** » April 15th, 2005, 3:15 am

I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South. I challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 70 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree > diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12
simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

9. A coalmine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per
generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya? It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya... There's a hole heap of things that big city book- learning don't prepare ya for in this life.

As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE", here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece...
Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them

JMK SF G-2 · Post by **JMK SF G-2** » April 15th, 2005, 5:48 am

That's some good shit! I'll admit, I sucked on the test, but at least now I know how to get home safely from a roaring drunk.

eltrane · Post by **eltrane** » April 15th, 2005, 6:23 am

4. All of them.

SkyShark · Post by **SkyShark** » April 15th, 2005, 9:51 am

What the Fuck is a persimmon tree?

KW Driver · Post by **KW Driver** » April 15th, 2005, 4:40 pm

SkyShark wrote:What the Fuck is a persimmon tree?

oh, you simple bastard...

Hoover · Post by **Hoover** » April 15th, 2005, 5:52 pm

Chiron wrote:I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South. I challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

About 1.5 inches

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.

The oldest one.

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?

Roughly 3

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 70 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree > diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

About a case of Bud, after that all work stops for the day so we can go to the bar!

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12
simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?

Huh?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

None...they sleep in the bedroom, the wife sleeps under the porch!

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

Hell yeah!!

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

Probability ? Unlikely, they take the mufflers off to keep the deer off the road.

9. A coalmine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

60 Cartons.

10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per
generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

About one night, as soon as Uncle Cletis gets home from Nashville.

I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya? It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya... There's a hole heap of things that big city book- learning don't prepare ya for in this life.

As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE", here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece...
Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them

JMK SF G-2 · Post by **JMK SF G-2** » April 15th, 2005, 7:19 pm

KW Driver wrote:
SkyShark wrote:What the Fuck is a persimmon tree?
oh, you simple bastard...

I must be a very simple bastard. What the fuck is a persimmon tree?

Rebel3 · Post by **Rebel3** » April 16th, 2005, 10:05 pm

JMK SF G-2 wrote:
KW Driver wrote:
SkyShark wrote:What the Fuck is a persimmon tree?
oh, you simple bastard...
I must be a very simple bastard. What the fuck is a persimmon tree?

Its a Fuckin' Persimmon tree.

persimmon tree

n : any of several tropical trees of the genus Diospyros [syn: persimmon]

damn son you are from a fucked up state, how did you do on the test? or are you stuck on #1?

SkyShark · Post by **SkyShark** » April 17th, 2005, 9:39 pm

Rebel3 wrote:
JMK SF G-2 wrote:
KW Driver wrote: oh, you simple bastard...
I must be a very simple bastard. What the fuck is a persimmon tree?
Its a Fuckin' Persimmon tree.

persimmon tree

n : any of several tropical trees of the genus Diospyros [syn: persimmon]

damn son you are from a fucked up state, how did you do on the test? or are you stuck on #1?

Sorry, maybe I didn't ask the question correctly, what I meant to ask was, What the Fuck is Persimmon tree?? Now I need to go look up Diospyros. Quit using these big words with me. :D

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