PTSD and how to talk to a Ranger Veteran

[Bravo57]

Ummm.....Hmmmmmmmm...

Second Ranger Bn, 93 to 99. Combat?

Just send me a private message and I can help you understand things a little better.

[JES_forever]

I just sent you a PM. Thanks for offering to help me.

I don't have much to go off of here about his service and it's second hand. But I want to be prepared if and when he does want to talk.

I'm not sure what the official definition of combat is, actually. To me, if you were out in the field and were part of violent situations where your life--and/or the lives of others--was in danger, you're a combat veteran. It's not like guys march in lines with a drummer and a color guard anymore. Right?

[K.Ingraham]

His trauma could stem from a single incident & it could have been in training or even a weekend car crash, or not even from his military service.

[JES_forever]

His friend who set us up (we all went to school together) told me that he had service related issues...but didn't give me details. The friend was the one who used the term "combat" so that's what I've gone off of so far since he clams up right away at the mention of The Rangers.

It's alarming to me because he acts EXACTLY like my other Ranger friend. He even segues to a different topic of conversation the same way. And my other Ranger's PTSD contributed to the decline in his health that eventually killed him.

This is why I'm here looking for all the help I can get.

[KW Driver]

As I understand and accept it the definition of combat is armed conflict against/with an opposing force.

That's not to say as K. Ingraham, and Silverback have alluded to, trauma is trauma.he doesn't need to have been in combat to have been traumatized. There are many of us who have witnessed, participated in, or been affected by traumatic experiences that didn't take place in combat. We've lost friends and respected co-workers in training accedents, and to other, more common causes. It happens.

Once Bravo57 gets back to you, you should have a better understanding how to move froward.

[JES_forever]

I'm so thankful for the insight, everyone. I'm not looking to cure him or be a psychologist, I just want to say the right things so he'll trust me with sharing his experiences.

I know in my heart that my friend John who passed away was looking for an outlet and came to me for comfort that last time we spoke--but I froze. I followed up our conversation with an email to say that I was always there for him but I think it was too late. I don't want that to happen again.

Since I forgot to say so before, Thank you all for your service.

[havoc996]

Hi JES_forever, take a look at this book. (Once a Warrior, Wired for Life.) Pretty good read and has some good insight.

[Bravo57]

Yeah, there is no PM to me.

[JES_forever]

I send you another one. I don't know what happened. Damn Internet.

I ordered the book from Amazon. The whole library system where I live doesn't carry it. Grrrrr.

Thanks Guys!

[rgrokelley]

I've held off on this... but since I am stalling for time, not wanting to write in my book, and looking for anything else to do, I'm going to chime in. Ironically what led me to do this was watching the most recent "Rescue Me" show. They are getting into dealing with the 10th anniversary of September 11th.

What can a woman say to a guy who has PTSD.

Jack shit.

I don't mean to be crass, or rude, but there ain't nothing you can say. It may sound like a cliche, but if you weren't there, you don't know. If you hold him and say "there, there" he may just feel like an ass for you treating him like a child. If you blow him off and say "get over it", he'll just be pissed.

So what do you do? Nothing.

Listen to him when he talks, if he talks. If he doesn't, don't push it.

If he wants to go hang out with his buddies, and not you, don't take it personal.

If he goes on a bender, and starts crying in his beer, know why, but don't be pissed.

I don't think there is much you can do.

[JES_forever]

Welll...."jack shit" is/was my instinct. Just to listen, not to ask questions or say anyting patronizing or pretend I have the slightest idea.

But some point, I have to say at least a sentence! The only thing I got out when my dead friend started talking was "I can't imagine...I...I...I can't imagine." He spun off and stopped talking to me--like "Oh, why am I telling you! You don't give a shit!!!"

That's what I'm trying to avoid with the guy I'm dating.

I guess I'm looking for the same kind of sentence as "Thank you for your service." I say it to anyone I see in uniform whether I feel like a dumbass or not and it's a comfort to know that it's the right thing to say.

[cams]

I still have nightmares from the Spec4 Mafia, but that's a whole other story.

I'm curious as well as to what his PTSD stems from. Please try to get him to sign on here, this is a very resource of Ranger friends, not feeling alone in society anymore as to the way we think/operate, and just getting shit off you're chest w/out sitting in a Dr.'s office and talking to someone who's never been where you've been.

I wish him well.

[JES_forever]

I will try. Like I said before, he's not an internet guy. Or much of a typer. But I'll try.

We women are wired to soothe pain any way we can. (well, at least most of us) It's frustrating to know that our men our suffering and we don't have the cure.

If he has a nightmare when he's with me, I don't want him to think that I'll judge him, change my mind about him, or be hurt by him telling me about it. But I know every woman must say that...

And if it does hurt me, I know in my heart I can take it and it won't change me. The things I know about my dead friend John only made me respect--and feel for him--more.

You all seem like such thoughtful men. I hope you all have good women taking care of you.

[Baseplate]

First I don't know jack shit about your boyfriend he may have been a member of 2/75 and he might have seen combat but there is no way he saw combat as a member of 2/75. In fact no member 2/75 saw any combat during those years. Also as far as I know no 2/75 Rangers were killed in training during those years. You should get a few more details from him because right now he looks like a piece of shit poser