Chicks Who "Love to Go Camping"

[Spartan]

Alright - we've all heard the bullshit before. Once you tell a chick that you like the outdoors, she professes - "Oh, I just love to go camping" - of course, once you take her to the great outdoors, put up a tent, work with a stove, go hiking or fishing, etc.... it becomes painfully clear that she's never done this shit before and not only that she sucks at it and even whines a bit about the whole thing.

As a result, if you've invested in new camping gear to make life easier when outdoors, you consider it a waste and in the course of your relationship with said woman/chick, the equipment goes unused, unless you are using it yourself without said woman/chick.

I just want to get a guage for how often this phenomenon has occurred to others during their lifetime, in addition to myself.

Of course, any funny 'I took my woman camping and the following occurred' stories are more than welcome.

Women who are on the site, feel free to offer examples of your own expertise on the subject - why you love camping, what you personally would have to contribute as a member of a camping party in the way of skills or equipment.

[Bek375]

Ranger Spartan,

I've had a similar experience, but not one that really fits into the options you listed.

I had a girlfriend who professed to be an expert in the outdoors, and also had a lot of nice new gear. But when we got out to where we were camping/hiking, there was pretty steady rain with no end in sight. It wasn't ideal weather for a hike, but instead of trying to have a good time (and utilizing her gear that was made for these conditions), I was subjected to about 3 hours of nonstop complaining as I set up the tent, made some food, and tried to enjoy myself. Needless to say, I did not enjoy myself, and I made sure we left as soon as we woke up (and after I took the tent down with her standing and watching).

One lesson that I learned from this experience is to never trust people with brand new gear that doesn't look like it has been used.

[Spartan]

I would suggest #5 most closely matches your situation. If you're a College Puke, you should be used to multiple choice and picking the one which best fits.

Do Pushups!

[rangercamaro]

I voted #5. This is an ex-fiance (see I got wise in time!!) lets just call her dumbass for now.

The story goes like this:

Dumbass has 3 kids and I have 3 kids (yes, thats 6 total) so we decide to go camping at Mounds State Park. Now understand, this is maybe 5X5 miles in size. Nothing big but the kids get to camp out. Well, i go buy a 3 room tent and all the gear i was missing, pack up the van, load the kids and then she asks if I packed the air matress. Well, I should have known right then and there to just call it but I didn't. So after i stop laughing at her I drive to the park with 6 excited kids. We get to the park, find our site and after everything was put up and the gear stored we had a pretty good day even though it was very clear we had different ideas about camping. Then the sun went down.

We start the procession to the showers to get the kids cleaned up. We decided to do it in two groups. I would start the fire while she took the first group. Well, the fires lit and the hotdogs and smores are rolling off the flames. My set of kids are getting fat and happy. Then dumbass returns. Her group played havok in the showers and she was flustered. Again, i found humor in the situation but she didn't. So I pack up my group and off we go before I get in trouble. Showers were taken and we get back without a major incident. When we walk up to the camp site, everything is there except i don't see anyone. I look over at the van and see dumbass and three kids huddled by the sliding door. I walk over and she tells me,without opening the door, that a family of about 6 racoons had smelled the food and wanted to visit. This is where i find out that dumbass is deathly scared of coons.

I finally get her to open the door to talk to me and i look down and before i could say anything a racoon reaches up and grabs dumbass's bare foot. It had crawled under the van after smelling the marshmellows they carried into the van. It is about 930 at night, quiet time at the campgrounds is 900. Well, she unloads a screech that sounds like a sonic boom! I immediately fall to the ground and am immobilized by pure laughter. The van door goes sliding forward and the poor racoon is just looking back and forth from the door of the van back to me. I look at dumbass and she is flipping out. Crying and screaming and i was laughing and rolling!!! Then some of the other campers come over to find out what was going on. They start laughing right with me. After about 5 minutes, one of the lil Park Rangers pull up and I'm still laughing because the damn racoon is still there and scratching at the van door. I told the moron what happened and we ate a smore and laughed at her hiding in the van. Finally the racoon gets pissed off and leaves and the Park Ranger follows soon after. About 10 minutes after the coon and Park Ranger leave the sliding door opens. 3 kids come flying out and directly into the tent. They stayed there long enough to grab blankets and a flashlight and back into the van they went. Dumbass never stepped foot outside the van. To make a long story short she slept in the van with her set of 3 kids while me and my group slept in the tent. Well, after we got tired of scratching the van door and listening to them scream!!!

My oldest son loves telling people about this. He laughs so hard he about cries every time. It took til about noon the next day before dumbass even spoke to me. Needless to say i was cutoff for a while after that one. I guess it was wirth it because I still chuckle when i tell this story.

[Bek375]

I would suggest #5 most closely matches your situation. If you're a College Puke, you should be used to multiple choice and picking the one which best fits.

Do Pushups!

Ranger Spartan,

I missed that match. Knockin' em out right now.

But aside from a girl being imcompetent in the outdoors, I think that whining is definitely the worst thing they can do. It's not only irritating during the trip, but it also a bad personality trait that crosses over to other things.

[Looon]

When I first started dating my wife....she was a 4x4 Jeep Driving lovin' the outdoors type of chick. She loved to hit the desert and woods and rough it.....it's what attracted me and kept me around.......

Then we got kids........and she became a "Lady"


Now....if I want to go camping and bring the old lady along....we have to have amenities.....a fucking Trailer or 5th wheel......so camping is no longer camping....

But......GRITS, being the great man he is....foresaw my predicament and blessed me with a fire team of hardcore warriors......who are willing to "rough it" with their dad and even rotate through perimeter watch.

Thank you GRITS!

[proud dad]

When my wife and I were first married she had never been camping in her life but she took right to it and really does enjoy the outdoors. Our best vacations have been camping with our kids in the Big Bend National Park. You can backpack for days there without seeing anyone or having anything to bother you.

I do have a funny story about a couple who we had talked in to camping with us some time back. We were camping on a relatives ranch in west Texas during labor day. Everything was great the first day and both husband and wife were enjoying the experience. Alot of beers drank that night and we were up early next morning as we had set some hog traps the day before and needed to check them before the day turned hot. Well our friends wife would not get up and her husband told her that we would be back soon so she just stayed in the tent sleeping. We checked the traps, nothing, so we decided to go try our hand fishing at the cattle tank for just a little while. Fishing turned out good and we lost track of the time a little, but realized we should go back to camp. It was around 11:00 in the morning when we returned and it was starting to get hot, I would guess around a 100 degrees by then and when we pulled into camp we hear our friends wife screaming from their little pup tent, "get it off!" "Get it off!" We ran up the the tent and there was a big ole Tarantula on the outside of the screen door and she was huddled at the back of the tent crying. I know it had to be 110 degrees in that little tent as it was sitting out in the sun, but it didnt matter how hot it was in there she was scared to death of that spider and would not attempt to get out. She had been trapped in the tent for over an hour.
Needless to say when we knocked the tarantula off the screen she was mad as a hornet and soon had her husband helping her pack up. Well they left in an uproar and have never camped with us again. I dont know why she just didnt knock it off the door and get out. We still laugh about that at times.

[lazydiva]

I LOVE CAMPING! I have my own canvas tent (which I made), duct tape for quick repairs, cast iron fry pan, can start a fire in the rain! I don't mind roughing it and I think camp grounds with showers are for pussies (no pun intended). I do however, prefer to have a source of clean drinking water and an outhouse. Never did master peeing in the woods :? As for hiking...not overly keen but if there is sex at the end of it, I'm game! I mostly live for a good blaze and beer.

[rangercamaro]

I LOVE CAMPING! I have my own canvas tent (which I made), duct tape for quick repairs, cast iron fry pan, can start a fire in the rain! I don't mind roughing it and I think camp grounds with showers are for pussies (no pun intended). I do however, prefer to have a source of clean drinking water and an outhouse. Never did master peeing in the woods :? As for hiking...not overly keen but if there is sex at the end of it, I'm game! I mostly live for a good blaze and beer.

TRanslation......

Damn I'm horny... These Rangers are making me hot and I want them NOW!!! Better tell them I can cook and boy will it be wet in that camp!! There is no doubt they would do better than those legs from Campbell. Hell, they didn't even use a gag ball!!! OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH, that felt good. They had better hurry up!!!

[Steadfast]

First of all I would like to commend Ranger Camero for his wonderful and hilarious story of the Can's & the Can'ts. Telling of the poor racoons just added to the flavor of the horror of the Can't's. Thanks bud

Next is proud dad, and his outgoing neighbors. Outgoing somewhere else! Just goes to show you can never tell how others are gonna react just speaking to them. Thanks for sharing proud dad

[Spartan]

You'd think we'd have the sense to come up with a sort of mini-RIP like course to prove qualifications before taking someone camping and ruining a whole weekend! Hmmm.... I'll have to think of what a good acronym for that would be.

[Slowpoke]

I married my wife not long after returning from RVN, still together 36 years later. Not long after getting out of the Army, she started talking about going camping. Her family were great campers and had instilled the love of the outdoors in their daughter. I let her know that I had done enough "camping out" to last me a lifetime when I was in Viet Nam. After much pleading and promises of long nights under the stars, I relented and said I'd take her camping. I was ready to throw a couple of sleeping bags and food together and head out for the weekend, but nooooo. We went over to her parents house and loaded up enough shit to equip an African Safary for a month. Not haveing done much camping as a child, I'd never seen all the stuff you can get just for camping. We get all the stuff up to the forest and set up, enjoyed a little adult time and a great dinner before more adult time and then to bed. She wakes me up in the middle of the night to tell me she has to go take a piss, and I told her she was a big girl, she could go by herself. She wanted me to go with her and hold the flashlight. I told her she could hold her own flashlight and only to wake me up again if she was suicidal. Grumbling, she unzipps the tent flap, starts to step outside, then rezips the flap and flops back down on the sleeping bag. I said. "OK,OK, if your going to act like that I'll go with you." I get up and unzip the flap, and standing in front of me is a BEAR!
He's calmly coing through our box of food and eating our cookies. I rezipped the flap and told her, "You could have said something about the BEAR OUT THERE!" She looks at me and says, "YOU didn't ask, and besides, if you were going to be such an ass, you had it comeing."

[Rock Island Ranger]

Like Desert Sloth, I have 3 kids that dont mind dirt, stench, sleeping on the ground, shitting in the woods....none of it bothers them. They are a blessing from GRITS. THe old lady....huh ....first got married, she had said all that shit then we planned a foray down to Okeefenokee, What she meant to say is...."I really dont know shit about camping but read that it;'s fun and romantic....holy fucking shit, BUGS, SNAKES...I have to do WHAT in the woods.....oh, nonononononono....I dont DO that. Sex????Im filthy and where would I wash, ohhh, Jesus.....I married a fucking Cave Man, a barbarian....eat a snake....he's cooking a fucking rattlesnake....oh my GOD, can I get this marriage anulled?"

[Looon]

Ive never been camping with a woman. All of my signifigant others (females) hated the idea.