Docs, I come bearing gifts!

EvilCouch · Post by **EvilCouch** » September 10th, 2006, 2:15 pm

For anyone that's been trained in medicine
For anyone that's filled a prescription
For EMTs

A few select quotes:

If you happen to be driving drunk and feeling that you can't stay awake anymore, you shouldn't turn off your lights when you park in the middle of the interstate to take your nap.

Phone caller - "Do you have a prescription for me?"
My response - "No, I don't have a prescription for me."
Phone caller - "OK. I'll check back later."

When you call the ambulance at 3 am for your stomachache, be sure to invite 30 of your relatives over, none of which speak English, and gradually let them trickle in through every crevice in the apartment.

Fast track to intubation: fall asleep in the ER with an empty bottle of lortab in your hand

don't allow someone with a known poorly controlled seizure disorder to perform oral sex on you...

If you and your two friends decide to have a little party one December evening in your 3rd floor attic apartment and one of those friends is occupying the bathroom; it is not a good idea to climb out on the roof of the house in the middle of an ice storm to take a leak. This could result in falling off the roof with your weiner hanging out. If this does occur, be sure to ask the cop if you will be arrested. He will tell you that he can't arrest people just for being stupid. The EMS crew will try very hard not to laugh as we backboard you and give you a lift to the ED with a Fx ankle and your weiner still hanging out. ( I wasn't going to put it back in!)

Looon · Post by **Looon** » September 10th, 2006, 2:30 pm

KW Driver · Post by **KW Driver** » September 10th, 2006, 11:26 pm

from pg. 4:

when you get tired of vaginal or anal sex.. try transverse colon.. there are individuals out there who will pay 1000 bucks a pop to screw a colostomy patient (yes.. the colostomy).. more amazingly is there are prostitutes who sell their colostomy..

Hey, we had that in our ED! A gay dude that ended up with rectal CA, and got a colostomy - then ended up with the clap in his colostomy!

holy sick fucks Batman!

Silverback · Post by **Silverback** » September 11th, 2006, 6:06 am

Holy Shit I see a person I recognize...what are the chances?

Looon · Post by **Looon** » September 11th, 2006, 6:37 am

Silverback wrote:Holy Shit I see a person I recognize...what are the chances?

No shit!! He is indeed a TOOL, too!!!

Baseplate · Post by **Baseplate** » September 11th, 2006, 9:59 am

MY favorite so far

After you bring your 775 lb body to the ED to w/u a foul odor from your rectum and upon examination (with one person holding up the left buttocks with all his might) a lost television remote is found abscessed inside your gluteal fold, by all means, ask if you can have it back because you were tired of changing channels with your cane and by throwing objects at the television. Really, there is no need to question just how or why the remote is there